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Topic Feel like I am not visible to my PD husband.... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By dkleinert On 2009.10.20 11:24
I have not had much time to post recently or even read your posts - which always help me so much.....I need to know if this one thing I am experiencing is just my husband's negative/obtuse personality or PD....When I speak, 95% of the time, even though we are in the same room, my husband does not respond or even acknowledge anything I am saying. When I say "Hello, Joe - are you there", he will mumble something or maybe a couple more words...but most of the time I feel like I am invisible or just speaking to the wall. Does this happen to any of you? I fear it is just my husband and not PD.....thanks for all of your care, love and support - I would be in the local looney bin if it were not for you.

I will post on another thread something bizzare that happened yesterday...

By LOHENGR1N On 2009.10.20 13:23
dkleinert, Ready for this? This may come as a stunner. Your husband might be experiencing freezing. When We think of freezing we think in terms of the childhood game freeze tag. Where one stops mid-motion and stays like a statue. However, several years ago I noticed at times while watching T.V. I'd be going to move and found my feet not responding seemingly pressed to the floor almost like glued there. Strange......I asked my neurologist about it, He responded it sounds like you're having a form of freezing. You can freeze just sitting in a chair.

This may be the reason. You may without realizing feel something is amiss or glance and see something a bit different? Then speak to Joe to reassure Yourself all's ok when He's in a freeze? This could explain the minimum response too as speaking is kind of frozen at that time too. I can understand your fear and doubt, You're treading on uncharted ground with Parkinson's Disease. Unfortunately human nature being what it is We tend to first think it's personal. I could be way off but it's a strong possibility it's a form of freezing from your description. Alice's trip through wonderland has nothing it seems on our journey through Parkinson's. Stay with Us, We'll try to make sense of events as they pop up. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By annwood On 2009.10.20 13:35
In another post you mentioned that his physician had diagnosed dementia. I agree with Al about the freezing but I would also say that in some cases of advanced PD the patient tends to withdraw. I found one of the worst parts of the disease was watching my husband retreat into his own little world. You lose the companionship and the interaction often. It is very hard on the caregiver. I would attribute any unpleasant behavior or lack of response to the disease and not your husband, although I am sure a person's personality can contribute to the actions. Remember that with the dementia they often lose their inhibitions and say or do things they would not have previously done.

By Emma On 2009.10.20 13:49
I have the same thing with my husband. It's possible that it's a case of freezing, or the dementia, or maybe it's just them, not everything can be attributed to PD. Once when it happened I asked my husband why he didn't respond when I spoke to him and he said "because I'm not interested in what you're saying". And that was kind of the personality he had before PD so who knows. I just accept it. Whether he's being a jerk or it's something he can't help I'll never know.

It's not just conversation either, he doesn't really acknowledge me as a person with my own needs. For instance, I am severely asthmatic and have been since childhood. For the past week I have had a bad case of bronchitis on top of the asthma. I can barely move or breathe but continue to do what I must for him. That's not good enough, he keeps coming up with more for me to do. He wants me to cook ribs for dinner, take him for a walk, go to the store to get him ice cream and cold medicine (because he sneezed once this morning), etc. It's hard being invisible isn't it? I sympathize.

By lbellomy On 2009.10.20 17:15
Donna, another thing to consider is with dementia it may take a little longer to process information. We go around at lightning speed to the PDD patient. We probably talk at fast forward speed to them at times too.

By pegk3548 On 2009.10.20 17:50
I realy know where you are coming from on this one. This is one of the hardest things for me to deal with. However I agree with Al I think this is a form of freezing. I think with my husband not only his speach is freezing but also his thought process. He too just looks at me with that blank stare on his face. I know that he can not help it but at times I do loose my temper with him and then of course I feel realy bad afterwards. Try not to take it personaly. Hard not to I know. It gets me the most when I am trying to hurry and get everything done and I need to get some info out of him. The thing is no matter how short on time I am he can not hurry when responding. I feel your pain.


By dkleinert On 2009.10.21 00:00
Everyone - THANK YOU! I had not thought about the freezing being part of his thought process and speech also. I many times say "Hello, Joe are you there", and he will then say something, usually so low I can't hear him and have to ask him to repeat himself (the OT is working on his speech volume - hurrah!). Before PD, he was a real talker, sometimes ad nauseum - he always had a lot to say and always had the answers for everything....most times he was right though.... so this is really different behavior. And the dementia....yes...I am more sure now than ever that he has Lewy Body Dementia/PD. It is so much worse now than even 6 months ago. Thank you sooooo much as always. It is so comforting to know others out there go thru this, are so transparent and vulnerable to share what is happening to you...without all of you - don't know what I would do. You are the BEST!

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