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Topic I'm new here..please help with questions about sexual urges and med help Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By darlena On 2009.10.26 14:48
My husband was diagnosed with PD Feb. of this year. He had problems with his left hand for 7 yrs and then it move to his left arm for 5 years now. We have been married 23 years and not once has David gone to the dr. so he just kept telling himself it was nerve damage from his work. When he had chest pains in Feb. I took him to the ER and the dr. there recognized the signs of PD and sent him to neurologist. (the chest pains turned out to be heart burn). The guys at work had told me that David had been falling quiet a bit for what they saw for no reason, so now it has moved to his left leg and he moves slowly but still workiing.

So now for the sexual part. Last week I was on David's computer and noticed some user names popping up, I investigated and found that in the last 10 days he had spent 300 on web cams and the sexual matching web sights. I have been married to this man for 23 years and never has he talked to me like that. It was awful the way he talked to these woman and they talked back to him. I investigated far back as 07 on his debit card and nothing like this before Sept 09. Is this the meds, the dr has him on requip. Please someone talk to me about this, I'm not sure just how strong I am,

The other question I have is medical bills, David and I both work but it takes everything we have to pay bills ( and the internet excapade left me with 10 dollars for the week) so is there any help out there for us. The dr. told him to sign up for medicaid but they say long as he is working we don't qualify. Please help

By Pick On 2009.10.26 15:19
Requip (Mirapex too) has been linked to hypersexuality as well as compulsive gambling. If I were in your position I would contact the doctor right away and tell him/her exactly what you told us here. Ask about alternatives to Requip. Good luck!

By annwood On 2009.10.26 15:22
First, welcome to our forum. Stop and breathe - you are not alone and we will try to help. Sometimes all we have is a welcome ear but you may find that to be the most beneficial.

The sexual problems are not unusual with PD and they are often the result of some of the meds used for treatment. I would tell you to call the neurologist IMMEDIATELY and let him know what is going on. In some cases it is not helped by reducing the meds and the thought is it is the involvement of the frontal lobe of the brain which controls our actions. Try not to take this personally (hard to do) but understand that this is the disease/meds acting not your husband. It is a compulsion and he may not be able to control it. When you have time research some of our past posts on sexual problems and you will get a better idea of the scope of the problem.

Now for some tough love - you may have to discontinue the internet or put on controls that your husband can not get around. Watch the check book and credit cards because these compulsions often take other forms. My husband spent $3000.00 on mail contests before I was aware of what was going on. I had to get a post office box for a few months because he would get so upset when new offers arrived and I wouldn't give him the checkbook. Two years later these @*^% are still calling and sending offers. He may resist the controls but attempt to explain it to him and go on.

I have no expertise in the financial aspects but know that several on this board do. I know that the will share their insights.

I hope this was helpful. Stay with us - Call the neurologist!

By darlena On 2009.10.26 15:47
Thank you so much, I have felt so overwelmed, I don't think it really hit me what I was dealing with until last month. He seems to be progressing fast, he is only 46 yrs old and he moves slowly, and scuffs the left foot it seems like everytime he takes a step now. He is a driller on a water well and I am concerned how much longer he can do this, and I don't know what it will do to him when he can't. We have been blessed for him to have such a wonderfull boss, because he looks out for him too and i think he will move him to the shop and off the rig.
When I confronted him about these web sights, he just put his head down and says I don't know why I did it. And I have been deleting many of them and some he signed up for he never visited, but he says he didn't sign up for those and I really think he might have forgotten them after he sgned up. because all the others he was helping me find and delete, there was really nothing for him to hide. I know I am rambling but none of this makes much sense to me and I don't know what to do.

I have called the neurologist and spoke with the nurse, she says its the medicine and she is talking with the dr and calling me back.

Thank you all again, I now no I have somewhere to go and people will understand.

By susger8 On 2009.10.26 16:05
Hi, Darlena, you are in the right place, and the members here know pretty much everything there is to know.

I'm not a financial expert, but there are a few things I've found out that I can share. It's really tough for those with "young onset" PD, like your husband -- the retired folks are covered by Medicare, but working people are not. The alternative is Medicaid. For that, you normally have to meet some stringent requirements on income and assets. That's why it's a good idea to move as many assets as possible into your name. While he's still working, he won't meet the income requirement for Medicaid. If he has to stop working, he may then meet the requirement, plus you can apply for disability. This is something I have not done, but I believe it's not easy and can take a while. Definitely see what kind of legal advice you can get cheap or free -- possibly through a local patient group.

Most drug companies have programs for patients who can't afford their medications -- check out TogetherRx, for one program.

http://www.togetherrxaccess.com/Tx/jsp/home.jsp

Getting a will, a living will, and especially a Power of Attorney document are critical to do now. And as others have advised, watch the checking account and credit cards like a hawk.

PD can cause some very strange behavior, as you've found out. Remember -- it's the disease.

Keep asking questions, there is an answer here for pretty much everything!

Sue

By lurkingforacure On 2009.10.26 15:28
We don't have this problem but it really sounds like the sex stuff is totally related to the meds. Google the side effects and you will find more information about this than you ever wanted to know....and know that it is, apparently, very common.

You need to talk to his neuro about this. Ask to change his meds and see if that helps.

Another possibility: my husband tells me that sex is one of the few things that helps with his pain, so we are much more active than we used to be, and way more than I have energy for. So I think it could be a combo of meds as well as the fact that we are naturally driven to those things which help us feel better, whether we realize it or not. I cut my husband a lot of slack over this because I know he feels like shit most of the time. Perhaps your husband is subconsciously doing the same-it takes his mind off the pain and his condition.

Then you need to lock down the finances, however you can. Move the bulk of the money to your name only, ditch credit cards he has signatory authority on, notify the credit monitoring places that he cannot/should not be taking out any loans, credit cards, etc, and that you want to be notified if he does. If you don't have a power of attorney, get one pronto. Most towns have legal aid that will do this document for free or next to free. You can also google your state's statutes and see if the state legislature put a sample form in the law...in Texas we have many of these and they are fine. You don't need anything fancy unless you have a complicated situation, the statutory form should suffice.

Note, though, that many banks insist on "their" form, so go to your banks/credit union, etc. and see if they have a form they require account holders to use. I am a lawyer and can tell you that there have been more than a few times I have prepared all of these documents, only to have a very unhappy client call me and tell me the form I prepared was "no good" and the bank would not accept it. This is usually a bank with its principal office out of state, but still. I found it was cheaper for the client for me to just redo the form "their way" instead of arguing about it with an out of state clerk who knew nothing about Texas law. So save yourself some time, and money maybe, and get the forms direct from the bank if they have them and require their own form be used.

You may also want to consider going to someone to discuss what programs are out there and the requirements for each. I know many couples move assets around, into the healthy spouse's name particularly, in order to qualify for these programs. Be aware, though, that there may be tax consequences for doing this as well as "lookback" periods which may disqualify one from benefits. I recently discovered for my mom that the medicare "lookback" period was extended from 3 years to 5, meaning that asset transfers within that period would be counted and included in the calculations for eligibility. Five years is a long time, and since I am not sure my mom will live that much longer, much as I hate to admit it, we are leaving everything as she currently has it. You will need to review your particularly situation with someone in your state for details but hopefully this may help get you going.

There are also military benefits out there but I am completely ignorant of those, check them out if you have any ties there. Good luck, we are all with you.

By Emma On 2009.10.26 16:03
My husband also has obsessions with sex. It cost us a lot of money (not to mention some heartache) until I put parental controls on the computer and TV. I also have a kind of spyware thing on the computer that parents use to check up on their kids. At this point he no longer has the skill to use the computer but I leave the controls in place. Now he focuses the attention on me. It is a living hell nightmare that never ends and will, I swear, be the death of me before this is all over. I'm not sure if the meds (my husband takes Requip) cause or contribute to the obsessions we see with Parkinson's but they have something to do with it I'm sure. His doctor recently reduced the Requip but nothing is better. I don't know what to tell you except that it's awful. Both my daughter and stepdaughter have told me that my husband has made inappropriate remarks to them too, nothing explicit or vulgar, but inappropriate, so that's another concern.

I second what others have said regarding finances. Get a power of attorney and cut off his access to money. You're trying to survive here, financially, emotionally, in every way, that means being harsh sometimes. You have to do it.

Medicaid is different in every state so it's hard to know if you would be eligble or not. Your best bet is to try to make an appointment with a Medicaid worker at your local Department of Social Services or whatever they call it in your state. Contact your local Senior Center too, they may have caseworkers who can help direct you to the proper agencies. Even the Salvation Army and other church related organizations sometimes have caseworkers who can help you. Knock on doors, make phone calls, ask friends, eventually you will find someone in your area that can give you the information that you need that is specific to your situation. Look for low cost, based on ability to pay,clinics for health care, most communities have them.

This is a long difficult journey and there is no road map. We will try to help you find the way.

By Gidbud On 2009.10.26 16:39
Darlena,

Welcome to the forum. Your story caught my attention. The compulsive behavior you describe sounds as intense as what my wife experienced. Just my opinion, and you can take it or leave it, but you need to get him off Reqip now. I would not let the doctor put him on Mirapex, or any other dopamine agonist either. The reason I say this is that the behavior you describe tells me that he is not tolerant of the dopamine agonists. These medicines bind to the D2 receptors in the brain, which are also related to the pleasure center. My wife described feeling invincible while on Mirapex and Requip. YOU HAVE TO BE FIRM WITH YOUR NEUROLOGIST. The ones we went to either trivialized the compulsive behavior or just changed dopamine agonist. I might suggest that he is better not to take medication at all or perhaps Sinemet. I know the dosing schedule is less convenient, but you will keep your sanity and your money.

Have you confronted him about the charges and the websites? You need to be strong and confront him. It will not be easy, but it is necessary. Tough love is in order.

It will take about 2 weeks for the drugs to titrate out of his system.

Hang in there. Stay strong. Use this site to vent. This behavior is not him. Stay with us and let us know how you are doing.

By darlena On 2009.10.26 18:05
The dr. returned my call they want to take him completely off the requip before they start another med so this will take about 2 weeks to wean him off. I'm not really sure what the reaction will be from him because he will have to deal with the tremors getting worse in that 2 weeks.

By Pick On 2009.10.26 18:30
First of all, good for you! Your husband is lucky to have you around to advocate for him. Secondly, many of us have experienced this see-saw nature of Parkinson's and Parkinson's treatments. Medications decrease the physical symptoms but often increase or cause cognitive problems. Going off these meds, or taking additional meds designed to provide relief from cognitive problems can make the Parkinson's symptoms worse. It can be difficult to find a balance.

Yes, going off requip will most likely exacerbate your husband's tremors. Will the benefits outweigh the costs for him? A few years ago I sat down with my dad to see how he feels about these sorts of things....gave him a sort of a "what if" scenario. What if he had to choose between his physical autonomy and his mental autonomy? Would he be willing to hand over making financial and medical decisions, for example, if it meant he could be physically independent? Or would he rather be in a wheelchair if it meant he could maintain all his cognitive faculties?

Of course it's not that black and white in real life, but the conversation helped me understand what was important to him. Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to have a similar conversation with your husband, should you so desire.

By karolinakitty On 2009.10.26 21:17
Welcome darlena.... the only thing i have to add to everyone else would be on the medicaid part. Like someone said each state is different. SC has asset limits where as even though Jim has no income the house is in his name as well as our van. The house is taken out of the formula but the van being fairly new puts us over the asset limit. We have TogetherRXaccess for the Requip and it brings it down 20%. Bridges Access never responded to our application but if you check out www.pparx.org ... there are several applications on line or if you can't download them you can call and talk to someone as i did. they mail out the applications and you and your doc need to fill them out and send them in.

We have no issues with the Requip, everyone is different.....

I worry about your husband working if his tremors, dizziness and falling continue. If and a big IF he should fall and get hurt at work, his employer could claim the PD for the fall and their insurance may not cover any doctors. I only say this because a friend of mine has MS and had this happen in a #1 retailer. Just be cautious.

Getting back to the Medicaid...Most states have an online site for medicaid you get most of the answers there. Ours has all the eligibility requirements listed and an application for figuring out if you are eligible, and an online application too.

Good Luck to you ......

By bandido1 On 2009.10.27 14:26
Darlena: Welcome to the caregivers forum. FYI LOHENGR1N and I are avaialble as patient contributors to this forum. I see you have been given lots of great advice already so I will just reemphasize "tough love" as your mantra for succesfful management of your patient. Al & I would also like to redirect you to the commentary tab on your menu as well as some prior posts by each of us. Good Luck! Bob C AKA bandido

By LOHENGR1N On 2009.10.29 20:03
darlena, Hi and welcome to the forum. You've been given great advice already, the only thing I will add is try going to http://www.benefitscheckup.org/ (just click the link) You can also click at top of forum ....home...then resources....scroll down and find the site link there too. It helps with med's and programs you might qualify for, It works for whichever state you are in (all 50) good luck. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By mytngenes On 2009.11.04 21:20
Darlena, I could have written your message! I am experiencing the same problems with my husband-55yr old, dx'd 1998, on Mirapex. He has been using the computer to view pornography and chat, draining our checking account.

I am so frustrated about this...its been going on for awhile and in the past I would "think" I had taken all precausions against it happening again, but he outsmarts me. This time I have taken his computer completely away and I'm going tomorrow to open a new checking account (in my name only). I'm also researching to see if changing from Mirapex to Requip will help, or if it will be more of the same.

My husband has never had a tremor. His problems are stiffness, unsteady gait, extreme pain in shoulder muscles, fatigue and depression. He's also on Sinemet, Comtan, Effexor and Seroquel (lots of meds-takes 7.5 Sinemet and 7 Comtan and 3-1.5mg Mirapex/day).

I'm new here to this forum. I met a friend at a caregiver support group meeting last night, and she recommended this forum to me.


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