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Topic Missing you take charge or let them do it? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By dkleinert On 2010.01.17 22:38
When my PD husband is angry with me, as he is now, and decides to not speak to me for days at a time, he always does the same thing. He sleeps until very late (after noon), then skips his morning medications (there are 7 of them, including his only dose of Abilify each day). He does not want me to tell him to do anything or to talk to him at all. He stops eating. If I offer food he ignores me. We are in the same room, but it is like two separate lives moving on different plains. I really don't know what to do when this happens. I have tried waiting it out, but these angry bouts seem to get longer and longer and he sleeps later and later each time they happen. The stopping eating and drinking really worries me.....the missing drugs really worry me. He insists on being in charge of his drugs. He has a weekly box, divided into the 4 dose slots per day. I just looked and he skipped yesterday and today's morning drugs. His Lexapro, Mirapex, Sinamet, Abilify, vitamins, etc. are all in the morning dose. If I try to talk to him he draws this silent treatment and withdrawal out longer.

I remember someone saying here one time that "tough love" was important with PDers. Is it afterall their bodies and we should just let them do whatever crazy thing they want to do?

I am also concerned that he has never gone back to the things he was doing before he had his knee replacement back in early Dec. He no longer listens to books on tape or reads books. He totally ignores his computer and email. Last week I renewed his books and books on tape he had checked out before he went into the hospital. He has never read or listened to them, and finally I took them back to the library yesterday. Now he only wants to watch TV. He watches all kinds of crazy, childish stuff. Juvenial movies with teenagers in them......and other stuff he would have never watched before. God only knows what he watches when I am not home.

I am also worried that his PT and OT are turning him loose in 2 weeks, and he is far from where he was before his knee surgery. He was walking 1.5 miles a day down to get the mail and back, retrieving my eggs at night from our small (30) chicken flock - he seemed to be especially fond of doing this and kept track of how many they gave us each day, etc. and seemed to be participating in our life. This is what the argument was about that set him off this time. He now expects EVERYTHING to be done for him, and even though I have tried to reintroduce things by asking if he will help, he still does not participate at all. Just sits and watches TV. He calls no one, talks to no one. He says his knee does not hurt at all - he has recovered really quickly - physically. No more swelling, etc. PT says he is great. I thought he would be jumping for joy after living with that knee pain for over 30 years. But no - he seems more withdrawn than ever.

As always, your sage advice, please.......thanks!

By LOHENGR1N On 2010.01.17 23:57
dk, Sounds like there might be some depression going on there. I'd run it by his Doctor. I really don't know what if anything can be done at home to get Him to take His med's, unless it is depression and they can treat it then He'll probably come around and realize He's better off when he takes them.

Your post reminded me of years ago one of those TV news programs like 60 minutes or 20/20 did a segment on Muhammad Ali. They interviewed His Wife and Daughters about His condition, they brought up His refusal to take His medicine, they begged, pleaded and threatened Him to no avail. When asked how they finally got him to take them, one of his daughters answered on the days he is refusing I walk over the his chair and ask him, are you just going to stay sitting in that chair all day Daddy or are you going to take your medicine so you can move around? Most of the time that does the trick, of course sometimes we have to leave him sitting there awhile before he comply's. Not that this story is of any use to you other than to let you know others deal or have had to deal with like problems. I can't imagine trying to make an ex heavyweight boxing champ take his pills.

Maybe someone else here can be more helpful on this? Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By Emma On 2010.01.18 05:06

It does sound like depression, I agree that you need to talk to the doctor about it. I feel so bad for you, you have talked about your husband getting into these angry snits before and I know how hard that must be.

I took over my husbands medications a few years ago because he was no longer able to do it but that isn't the case for you. I'm not sure what you should do, although I probably would start documenting when he does and doesn't take them. I've gotten into the habit of documenting everything, it helps when I talk to the doctor.

Good luck Donna, I hope this gets resolved.

By dkleinert On 2010.01.18 10:14
LOHENGR1N and Emma, Thanks for your responses. I would talk to his doctor, but the last time I tried to do that - alone - without Joe there, I was told that he cannot be discussed without his being present. Do you find this to be true? Something about the new "privacy" laws.

By karolinakitty On 2010.01.18 18:56
DK .... DOn't know if ya'll did this when you first went to the doctors but Mine signed a release so that i could talk straight to the doctor, on the phone, in person or whatever. It gives someone else the ability to know what's going on.
I don't remember the name of the paper. i just remember putting down my name and phone number and then having him sign it. He has signed all releases for them,disability, and whatever else we've run into even though i have had power of attorney in all aspects for a year.
If he hasn't signed a release to let you know information then you are stuck i'm afraid.

By Emma On 2010.01.19 05:21
The papers that Karolinakitty is talking about are for HIPPA (I think I've got that right), which is a law regarding medical confidentiality. All doctors are supposed to give their patients these forms to fill out where so they can list who may be contacted or given information regarding their medical condition. My husband has signed them, naming both me and his daughter as people who can have access to his information. I also go into every appointment with my husband and bring issues up to his doctors right at that time. Also, the HIPPA laws means only that the doctor can't discuss a patient with you without the patients permission, but that doesn't mean that the doctor can't take information from you. If your husband hasn't signed release forms you need to have him do it next time you go to the doctors office. Just ask the person at the desk for them. In the meantime, if nothing else, call again or write his doctor a note and start by saying, "I know you can't discuss this with me but I want to give you this information and I want you to consider whether or not an antidepressant would help" then tell him everything you said in your posting.

Another hurdle to deal with. Good luck and hang in there.

By dkleinert On 2010.01.20 00:45
Emma and karolinakitty: Thanks so much for the information. I will do that. I was really frustrated when she said she could not talk to me about Joe without him being present. I will take care of that tomorrow. What would I do without all of your great info and experience. Hugs to you both!!

By mylove On 2010.01.20 00:56
Tonight is a really rough night. The generics that they gave him to replenish his supply are not working. Or at least not lasting as long as they should. And of course, his prescription for the term is filled, and we can't trade them in. Now we just have to endure.

They tell you that the generics are made in the same factory as the name brands, but we all know that they don't work the same. Tonight is proof.

By LOHENGR1N On 2010.01.20 01:13
myl, Isn't that the sad truth! I live in a state that mandates generics unless specified otherwise (read between the lines....Doctors better not specify or else insurance companies will black ball them). There might be times and diseases when these generics are ok but not Parkinson's! Yes they are almost the same but it is a big almost when we're talking balancing the chemicals in the brain. One batch of drugs is in the high end of acceptability then a couple at the low end or the fillers are different. If we happen to visit the Neuro when taking lower end ....humm must need higher dosage lets try upping it a bit! Next visit what the heck too much dyskinesia better lower it. As I said there may be a place for these generics but Parkinson's Disease isn't that place! I know where you're coming from and know how you feel Shaky!

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