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Topic Stubornness in Parkinson's Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By rita-bob On 2010.10.27 16:26
My husband requires me to do just about everything for him. However, when he decides to start a project that he is incapable of doing, there is no talking him out of it. I become very frustrated and I have felt many times like walking out on him. My nerves are shot! Anyone else have this problem?

By LOHENGR1N On 2010.10.27 19:17
rita-bob, Hi and welcome to the forum. You don't say how your husband is doing, so I can't answer much. If I may ask why do you do just about everything for him? If he's bedridden and unable to move around and such I understand if not, well maybe he should be doing things he is able and aren't a danger to him. I'm a patient and it's important for us to keep doing what we can to stay active as much as possible for our bodies and minds tp keep functioning. True we have to cut back on some things but if you're doing everything for him when he is able to do some of it himself you are going to burnout faster and resent more and more. Anyway, again welcome to the forum you've found a great bunch of people here who will try and help you as much as possible. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By sannph On 2010.10.27 22:20
Hi, It sounds like you could be writing about my husband! When his mind is made up about something (even if it's unreasonable or unsafe,etc), there is no reasoning with him. I get so frustrated and this symptom is especially hard for me because my dear hubby was not like this for most of the years I've known him. Maybe someone has suggestions?

By susger8 On 2010.10.28 08:18
Yes, my dad used to get very fixated on something he was trying to do, and he would keep trying forever. I suspect it was part of the tendency toward obsession that PDers sometimes get (related to Requip in his case, I think). I never found an effective way to get around that. Distraction didn't seem to work. I used to just try to minimize the safety hazards as much as possible. These days between his decline in mental status and his deterioration of vision, he's not able to do these things any more. I kind of miss them, now that I think about it.


By karolinakitty On 2010.10.28 09:47

By hubb On 2010.10.28 10:08
First you notice the stuborness, then comes combativeness and that's even more difficult to deal with. I have found that I have to apply tough love or I would be on call absolutely 24 hrs a day. The more I did for him, the less he did for himself or want to, so there are times you just have to say no. You really do have to pick your battles. We have been dealing with PD for 25 years, but the last 3 have been the worst...before then, it didn't change our way of life too much and we were able to handle it. But now, it's like it's consuming him and his favorite words are "I can't" and this from a man who was a Navy pilot, a logger, a fisherman - he could tackle anything and do it well. We have been married for over 52 years and the change in him is almost total - I often wonder where the guy is that we shared so many experiences together and that's where you have to fight off resentment in yourself for how your life has changed also and the things that you are required to do. You reach burn out pretty quickly and you have to watch out for yourself. I have a helper come in once a week and get totally away from the house even though I have to spend the time taking care of our business affairs and grocery shopping, but at least I can have a lunch out and renew my spirit even if for just a little while.

By rmshea On 2010.10.28 14:50
We have a twist on the same issue-stubbornness. MIL insists she 'can' do for herself, but she won't. And she ends up dehydrated and in the hospital; so I have help 3 mornings a week, and i go over the other times. No matter how many times we've explained, she can't wrap her head around taking the meds(I have them set up for her with instructions), hydrating and eating and taking her BP. She says she doesn't want to. She tells her neighbors that 'we' are taking her independence away. PD and aging are, not us. BTW, we are touring an assisted living facility today.

By arlenecram On 2010.11.04 11:56
I can certainly relate to this one. My husband never use to be stubborn---that was my role----now he is very determined----sometimes that is good, but other times it is very difficult...

By MonaL On 2010.11.12 17:20
uh-oh, I'm in trouble. Dad has been pretty stubborn all his life. Lately I see it getting a bit worse, and didn't realize that it was related to the PD. I think helping Mom understand this too would help. Thanks for the heads up!

By parkinit On 2010.11.14 22:50
I've said this before, but our neuro said that current personality traits get magnified with PD.

I can so relate to the 'doing everything for him." I know there are times he really can't do things and then other times - well, i wonder. Plus, I sometimes buy into his fixations /OCDs - whatever you want to call them without realizing it.

Sometimes it makes you feel like you are being treated like hired help: washing the hair, cutting the toenails and putting lotion on the calloused feet, dressing them, picking up their chores, ensuring everything is off (yeah, I have that one, too).

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