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Topic Huge Scary Coincidence Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By Emma On 2011.01.27 11:12
I am shaking as I write this. Currently there is a thread on this board about driving with Parkinson's. This morning as I was returning home from taking my husband to daycare I was involved in an accident. The other driver was at fault, she lost control of her car and smashed into mine. As it happened we were driving over a waterway at the time and the force of the crash pushed my car through the guard rail. The front third of my car was hanging over the embankment. It is only by the grace of God that I was not plunged to an icy watery death. The other driver asked me to call her daughter while we were waiting for the police. When the daughter arrived she told me that her mother has Parkinson's and they had begged her to stop driving but she refused and they couldn't deal with the confrontation so they dropped it. Because of that decision I could have been killed today. Thank God I wasn't but now I still have to deal with the fact that my beloved Jeep is totaled. It has very little monetary value as it's 8 years old and has high mileage. Before this accident the body was in perfect shape and it ran great because I maintain it well. I had hoped to keep it for several more years, now I will get an insurance check that will barely be enough for a down payment on a new car that I don't want and can't afford. All because this woman who shoudn't have been driving was. PLEASE, if you have a family member who cannot drive safely take the keys. PLEASE, it could mean a life.

By TiredTexan On 2011.01.27 11:53
Oh, Emma, glad you were not injured! But what a travesty! Makes me all the more grateful that I "held my ground" regarding my spouse's driving! My heart and prayer goes out for you!

By caregivermary On 2011.01.27 14:29
Emma,

I am so happy you two were not hurt. However, I'm sure you are a nervous reck.


You are so right about this driving issue. Why do people wait until something like this happens? They could be dealing with two deaths!! I know this is a difficult issue for children and spouses to handle but be strong, be the bad guy, and try to do the right thing.

Pleas take care

By Mary On 2011.01.27 14:52
Emma, I too am so glad you are safe. I had to take my Dad's keys away and he held it against me until the end. He insisted he could drive. Finally I told him if he could pass the over the road test with the Motor Vehicle Department, I would be fine with him driving. It went no further. Anyway, it is my understanding that if someone knowingly let's another drive when they shouldn't, that person bears some responsibility. You may want to speak with an attorney in that you could use help buying another vehicle. Just a thought. Hugs and blessings, Mary

By karolinakitty On 2011.01.27 19:12
Emma, So glad you are ok, shaken up and probably a little sore but I'm glad you are still here. Geez dangling over the edge like that would have freaked me out. I have a problem with that normally....
How right you are about everything. Especially your car. You can never replace what you have taken care of to keep yourself even.

On another note, morbid as it may be....
Does anyone ever think about what would happen to their LO IF they were to go first. I mean, like what if it had been worse for Emma today...Do we have someone to take over or would it leave our loved one fending for themselves.
Personally I have no one to help him if i should go first. He would be left, probably having to go to a nursing facility.... just thinking out loud.....

By LOHENGR1N On 2011.01.27 23:37
Emma! So glad you're still with us! That was an awful experience I'm sure. Try to take it a bit easy for a time to make sure you're ok, I'm sure you'll be sore tomorrow. I'm not going to go off on a tirade about people making a stand on the driving issue here. I'll just say we're all lucky you're here with us and hope you're doing ok. Sincerely Al.

By mylove On 2011.01.27 23:47
KK...interesting thought. Not morbid, but worth thinking about. We make sure that our kids are provided for in the event that something happens to us. How do we protect our other loved ones? Has anyone made provisions for such a thing?

By susger8 On 2011.01.28 09:19
Heavens! What a terrifying experience. It is a lesson not just for those with PD, but for others who should have their driving ability re-evaluated. So glad you're OK! (What a shame about your car, though.)

Sue

By parkinit On 2011.01.28 09:58
Emma - so glad you are okay. That must have been simply terrifying!

KK - Definitely food for thought. What if? We always assume we are the indestructible ones, right? Financially, I don't worry, he would be taken care of, but he would need a caregiver hired as his children would not assume responsibility. I don't know who would make that call to hire a caregiver. I need to do some checking. Good idea to have a "backup" plan in place.

By lurkingforacure On 2011.01.28 17:31
Emma,

I am so thankful you are OK as well and very sorry about your car. I know how horrible it is to have that situation thrust upon you which could have been prevented, as we have talked about on this forum.

I'm going to be the mean one here and say this: yes, you will get a check for your car, which won't be enough to put you in the same position you were in before the accident...meaning, a well running car in excellent shape that was debt-free. Sooooo, I would muster the courage to talk to the woman AND her family about this and ask them to help you pay for another car. Not a new one, because that would put you in a better position than you were in before the wreck, but enough so that you could get a good used car equivalent to your old one. I would point out very clearly that you are very familiar with PD, your own husband has it, and that you took his keys away long ago so that this very type of thing, a car accident, would not happen. The other lady's neuro may even kick in a few bucks if he knew or had reason to suspect his patient should NOT have been driving but did nothing. You may have to get a lawyer involved, but I see no reason why you should be put in a worse financial position than you were in before the accident. Just my two cents, and I know you are very upset right now and probably cannot even think about something like this. Calm down and then decide what to do, and of course be SURE you are physically and mentally OK before you accept any settlement monies.

Thank heavens you are all right.

By caregiverof2 On 2011.01.30 01:14
Oh my
Thank god you are ok.

I amjust joining the forum with my first post And saw yours. I was having the driving fued with my husbands family I haven't let him drive for a long time but his mother And sister would let him so I showed them your. Post And now I hope they get it I am so glad your ok

By oshroshr On 2011.01.30 22:20
This is an issue here as well. I am so glad you are ok and please take care and God bless. He must be taking care of you.

By shego On 2011.01.31 10:04
wish safety for both..
that woman with Parkinson must be taken care of well to avoid any accidents.

By NW_Raven On 2011.01.31 12:29
Scary indeed, Emma. By another coincidence, at the very time you posted your story of the encounter with a driver with PD, my wife got angry and upset with me for not stopping her from driving.

We had gone to see a social worker to help us resolve our communication issues around her PD symptoms. During the session, I used the example of the time my wife was driving on the highway and seemed stressed and incapable of handling the situation, and in fact she swerved dangerously a couple of times. Problem was, to spare her feelings, I had never mentioned the swerving to her before. So after the session my wife demanded that should I feel that her PD was putting anyone in danger I must stop her. “Which would you rather have: me crash the car or hurt my feelings?” she asked.

By theresa2wyoming On 2011.02.09 23:50
I'm pretty new to this site, but I am relieved that you are okay after such an event. I put my foot down four or five years ago, and insisted my husband stop driving. He used to complain a lot, but no longer does. He got into a couple minor accidents in one week, so it shook him up. I have always been grateful they were small accidents!

I feel so horrible when I have to be the one to "take away" something, even when it is really the pd that takes it. His life has changed so much over the last five years, we all hate it. My husband is only 55, and I'm just 46, so I feel like we are dealing with a disease of the aged before our time.

By kaykaykan On 2012.07.30 21:52
I slowly took over driving after an extened bad spell with several health issues in addition to the PD. A few minor squabbles but let us get down to one car and I still work. I am now hiding the keys because he told me the other day that he has been wanting to go for a middle of the night drive in the country. Thank God he told me this so that I could be prepared. What we have to think of when the dimentia sets in! Glad the car balanced!

By Trusting On 2012.07.30 23:36
I am new to the forum too. This post makes me want to ask a question. Some days my husband really seems capable of driving and some days he doesn't. He doesn't even try to drive when he's having a bad day. Is this normal, or from your experiences and when is the time to stop driving completely? I do all the driving when we are together, but he gets so bored just sitting home all the time while I'm at work.

Thank you to those who are more experienced than I am.

By seawench On 2012.07.31 01:44
because of other health issues I took over the driving years ago, however he has managed to keep his DL current, for him it's more of an emotional hanging on than he actually would try and drive. Whenever the subject comes up he will state that he still can drive and cites a very cutting edge flying program he uses, and yes he is very good at it. But we both agree that while he could operate the vehicle and that would be fine if there weren't idiots on the road. He agrees that he could not avoid an accident. So His choice not to drive is because of other people's inability to drive. That's his story and he is sticking to it.

He also has a 1967 mustang in the garage. Hanging on to the DL and the Car are kind of his last thread on the life he used to live, if they were gone I'm sure he would decline rapidly. Since these delusion appear safe for him to have - I'm cool with it.
Seawench

By lilflower On 2012.08.01 08:10
My Husband also keeps his DL renewed and says he could still drive. But he hasn't driven in over 5 years and he never attempts to. He knows the risks but he just can't let go of that license yet. He's only 62

By parkinit On 2012.08.03 20:35
I'm surprised by the many who say their husbands won't drive when they know they can't. You are fortunate.

That wasn't the case with my spouse. When he was at his worst - high on the meds - he thought he was okay to drive. In fact, his judgement on most things goes out the window when he is high on his PD meds. Would he try to drive when he was becoming rigid? No, but he also has better reasoning then.

We had to have a family intervention and I am reminded periodically that I was the main instigator in removing his license. It remains to be a burr under his saddle that he directly contributes to me. But he is safe and also, just as importantly, others are safe. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It was the right thing to do.

By phoenix On 2012.08.03 21:24
Today my husband (we think) dozed off while driving, hit a rock cut, veered across the road, narrowly missed a cyclist and hit the guard rail. He is fine, nobody was injured, car is totalled. He also didn't drive when he knew it wasn't safe- until today. I feel horribly guilty, but so relieved that noone was hurt and he will not be driving ever again, since the police took his license. The last two weeks have been a nightmare of hallucinations and delusions and emerg visits. At least now (no thanks to me) noone was hurt and I have one less worry. Please, please - I know it's hard, but if you have someone who shouldn't be driving, please don't let them. We dodged the bullet - you and your loved one might not.


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