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Topic Refusing to take all meds and asking for Hospice. Don't know what to do! Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By sharons On 2011.09.22 00:08
When I went to my Mom's yesterday, the first thing she said to me was, "I think I'm ready for Hospice." Her nurse practitioner does not think she is ready for Hospice and I don't think she is either. She lives in an assisted living facility where they help her with bathing, dressing, getting to and from the bathroom, etc., so I'm not sure if there is much more Hospice would do for her. Her nurse practitioner comes to her apartment, so she no longer has to go to the doctor's office.

She threatened to stop taking all of her medications before, but I was able to talk her out of it. I was not able to go see her today, but when I called she said she refused her meds today. She is not on any Parkinson's drugs, but does take thyroid, blood pressure, cholestrol and depression medication. She said she is getting so weak and feels so bad she thought she might feel better if she just stopped taking her medications. I know she is miserable and really wishes she could die, but I really don't think she is anywhere near death. She just dwells on the negative and I can't seem to do anything to get her to try to appreciate that there are things she is still able to do. After all of the reading I have done on this forum, I know that her condition can get much worse than it is now, and I'm just not sure how she is going to cope when things get even worse than they are already. She says she is a quitter, not a fighter. I just really don't know what to do. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much for being there.

By buffsrich On 2011.09.22 08:50
We're in the same boat here with my MIL. Only difference is that she's at home.

By lurkingforacure On 2011.09.22 21:51
So sorry you are going through this. All I can offer is that it sounds like your mom tends to view things from a more pessimisstic viewpoint, and mine did too. It was hard, because I am not like that.

I do think, though, if someone has decided in their mind that they want hospice and are ready to go, there is not much you can do to stop them. Attitude is so huge to our health. Your mom may be thinking how bad she feels now, and may realize things will not improve, and so why fight to continue? And to be fair, put yourself in her position: if you were her age, feeling like she does and knowing it would not improve, only get worse, how would you feel and what would you want?

I would never want my children to have to go through what I went through with my mom, watching her decline in the SNF, in and out of some alternate reality towards the end, it was so very hard, being powerless to make things better. I think most people get to a point where they are very tired, and can't go on anymore, particularly when they know better health does not lie ahead for them.

All you can do is stand with your loved one, hold her hand, tell her over and over that you love her and how much it has meant for her to be in your life. Trying to change her mind probably won't work and may only cause more stress for both of you. It's such a hard place to be, and there are no clear answers.

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