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Topic accepting the reality Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By worriedaboutdad On 2011.10.02 23:25
I lost my strong, beautiful mother to cancer in 2009. She was the reason my Daddy was still coping well with his PD. Since then, we have been in and out of psych units for suicide attempts, into a facility, dealing with compulsive issues due to the disease and/or the meds and so on. It has been a sad journey and has taken its toll on my family and my sweet Daddy. Tonight I looked at him and realized the disease is winning and rapidly so. He had one eye shut because it is so irritated , trying to spit out his drool only for it to continue to pool in his mouth. He walks but barely and needs assistance. I fed him his dinner while watching his great difficulty swallowing and watching most of it spill back out. I see the sadness in his eyes and my heart breaks. I want to tuck him in and crawl in beside him and just lay there. Where has my Daddy gone? I miss him. I miss my Mom too. My husband tells me he doesn't think he will live through the winter. I find myself contemplating this thought. I love him so dearly but part of me wants him to be free. Free of this disease and all the issues that come along with it. Free from his sadness and depression. Free from the facility. Just free of it all. It is then that I realize that there are much worse things than dying. It is out of my control and I will spend every wonderful moment I can with him, but when the time comes I will feel sad but yet relieved for him. Relieved that he is free.

By RhondaM On 2011.10.03 11:01
So sorry for what you are going through. I can relate, and that was the way I began to feel about my sweet daddy, whom I lost in 2003, but whom I really lost by small bits the last 3 years of his life until there was nothing left but a miserable shell.

I grieved when he passed but soon felt relief for his freedom and the end of his terrible ordeal, and then all I could remember of him was the REAL him, the healthy and strong Daddy before PD took him away.

I lost my sweet mom last year to cancer, and I miss her, too, but am finally beginning to accept life without her now, and I know they are together at last.

It is a hard thing to lose your parents, I don't care how old you are or how prepared you try to be. I think the long, hard road with my dad for so many years was so much worse than the 10 months I cared for my mom 24/7. She still had some quality in her life, where my dad had none. When there is no quality left, there is peace when it ends, peace mixed with sorrow for the loss, but the loss really happened long before.

God bless you in your journey.

By susger8 On 2011.10.03 15:04
I never thought my mother would die first, as my dad had a lot of health problems in addition to PD. But here we are. Mom has been gone for 14 years now. Dad is moving toward the last stages of the disease, like your father. I know that he will leave us soon. His quality of life is so poor. I think ice cream is the only bright spot in his life. It is time for him to be free.

Sue


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