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Topic Explaining budget and money issues Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By rmshea On 2011.11.24 21:21
My MIL has a caregiver 3x a week; her children want her to stay in her apt. even though she is falling, medicine mgmt is slipshod, her memory is terrible, etc. So, I had a system of envelopes for the expenses she takes care of: groceries, hair, laundry, and if there was leftover, one for a weekly going to lunch. this worked for awhile...then the money would disappear and she couldn't tell me where it went. Turns out, she was buying lunch out for anyone who would take her. So I started giving the caregiver the grocery money as she picks it up on the way in. She saves receipts, shows me, etc. Today, MIL is panicked; she has no money. All her bills are paid, it's Thursday; everything is replenished on Monday. She says she never saw Jean bring groceries! She wants money to 'have'...but she spends everything she gets. Then she and her daughter started telling me the caregiver doesn't 'do anything'. So I said, ok I'll get another one. But, they say, Mother LIKES this one. I got angry at that point and said well which way is it then...I gave MIL a written budget, showed her where the money is going, but she doesn't understand or remember so it's panic time all the time when she has an empty envelope. Any suggestions as to how I can deal with this? I have tried to think of some system that will work and every one I try fails. Sorry it's so long, but I wish family members who have NO CLUE what this is about would stop telling/questioning me. I explain over and over about Parkinsons..I give them websites, they say oh, and promptly forget about it all, or they say, she needs to be happy. MIL is at the stage where she is reckless with her behaviors and says ridiculous things like, no doctor ever told ME to drink water, when they all have. On top of this I have a son(19) with ODD/ADD who steals, breaks things, won't work or go to school, sleeps all day, smokes weed all husband won't let me throw the kid out. I have faith God will see me through this, but how do you manage someone's intimate stuff when they can't remember or do the right thing?

By parkinit On 2011.11.25 22:17
Can you pay in advance at any of these places - like the beauty shop? Pay for a month at a time where it is already paid for when she goes so she won't have to handle the money.

As far as going out to lunch, maybe a gift card to eat out for the month (maybe twice a month?), and if she takes a friend, she has used up all the money on her gift card and cannot go again that month?

Or how about a debit card with only a certain amount on it for her hair and lunches, etc., that are expenses that may not be considered a "necessity?"

Just some ideas. Not sure if they will work or not, but just trying to help.

The daughter seems to have issues with the discretionary income, so put in on a card or something every month to let the mom spend how she wants, but she will realize after hearing the mom complain that there isn't enough to go very far...

By Michele On 2011.11.26 09:12
So how did all this caregiving fall to you? Are the children, and your husband, unable to help? They are involved enough to criticize your efforts which are huge. You have come up with some good options that just aren't working any more. Are any of her children involved? Since they are so unaware of the problems your MIL has and aren't providing any help or solutions, maybe you should step back and ask them to look in on her - fresh eyes to the problems. Hugs to you.

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