For those who care for someone with Parkinson's disease
[Home] [Forum] [Help] [Search] [Register] [Login] [Donate]
You are not logged in


Topic But what if he's just mean? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By buddy On 2011.12.26 23:29
My father has PD, and my mother is is caretaker. We are not close, so my siblings and I are still trying to learn what we can on our own so we can help when the time in fact comes. He is finally having physical therapy and is doing some things to help his balance, and he did not fall at all during the holidays, and only choked once on Christmas eve.
I read PLCPainter's post about her husband purposely messing with their plans. As all who anwered her said, "its the disease, not him." But my father has always done this....all of our lives. How do we know, and have empathy for him when we don't know what is the disease and what is truely him? It's hard to read about everyone's love for their family members and spouses with PD, and all the hurt they are going through, and not feel guilty. We want to be caring, but honestly, its hard....a lifetime of lies and manipulation makes the disease that much harder to get our heads around. This probably doesn't make much sense, but I'm sad tonite because my father chose to spend Christmas day at the casino with an ex-son-in-law instead of my mom and family.

By poppadum On 2011.12.27 06:12
Just to let you know that someone is thinking of you:

it's true, some people have never been nice to those who love(d) them. Of course at present you cannot be sure if it's the PD or the person who is being awful. Quite possibly it's both acting together.

I'm sorry to say that all the PD people I know personally tend to get what looks like "selfish" due to the disease, even when like my hubby they've never been selfish in their life.
People who have not been nice most of their life will get even more so.
However, hating them is not the answer because it uses up a lot of energy which is wasted and it destroys the "hater". I've been there after my 1st marriage (a long long time ago).
When it concerns a mother or father maybe all a son/daughter can do to survive is think: "You have to love them but you don't have to like them".
I really feel for you, your mother and your siblings and I'm truly sorry that I don't have an answer to your problem.
I wish you strength, patience and empathy for your mother, and for someone to come up with a solution.

By LOHENGR1N On 2011.12.27 08:45
buddy, What medicine is he on? The spending Christmas at a casino sounds a little like side effects from some of the compulsion causing med's used out there.

Just a thought you said he always messed up plans purposefully? Well now he's messed up and really can't help it. Now to give him the benefit of doubt you could forgive a bit and blame actions on the disease if it helps get you through these rough spots. Also you don't say how long he's had it which all helps with any advice or consul we can give. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

p.s. if anyone thinks I can help feel free to email me if you don't want to post tmi on the forum. LOHENGR1N@aol.con just put parkinson's in subject line so I delete it.

By buddy On 2011.12.27 16:08
Thank you for the replies. I have an earlier post on here about our family situation, but here's the review; my father was diagnosed with PD about 5 years ago. While my 6 siblings and I have always lived in Minnesota, my parents moved to Las Vegas 30 years ago--sold the farm and the business and left my youngest sister who was still in high school here. My dad has always loved to gamble so the casino trip on Christmas wasn't odd, its just that he can go anytime he wants, and does so. Leaving my mother alone was the odd part.

When he and my mother's health worsened, as it will when you become 80, they moved back to Minnesota. I do not know what meds he is on--my mother told us it was none of our business. We have not been close for many years, and are just trying to re-learn about each other at this point. They love a good emergency, and want a huge audience at those--otherwise, they haven't much to say to us. I shared the link to this forum with my mother, as she is denial about how rough the road ahead will be.

I am so grateful when others write on here and share, because I think it will help us realize that perhaps he's not doing things on purpose---last winter he decided he wanted some fruit at a store 25 miles away during a snowstorm, and rolled his van on the freeway. ( he lives a block from walmart where the fruit is fine!) We felt he did it just to get us to the emergency room again, but I realize now perhaps its meds. He threatened suicide with a gun at the VA not long ago, and they took away the gun and gave it to my brother, and we assumed it was meds, but now he brags about how he "shut down the VA for a day."

I truly worry he will get hurt ----illness, falling, stipidity, car accident, etc. I love my parents---I have not liked them for a long time---and I do not want to lose him, but there is a lot of guilt and frustration, as everyone on here knows firsthand.

By poppadum On 2011.12.27 16:43
Hi Buddy, my totally unprofessional look on the situation you have described is that it's not just the character coming out stronger with age. It sounds like PD ànd (maybe not properly balanced) meds are taking their toll. Attention seeking can be one of the signs.
Karolinakitty posted some very interesting side effects from various meds on this forum on 2011.04.08, 12.05 hrs, topic: PD meds and side effects posted by Karolinakitty. See what you think of them.


DISCLAIMER: This website shares news, information, personal opinions, and experiences related to Parkinson's disease and caring for people with Parkinson's. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read on this website and its discussion forum.

© MyParkinsons.org · Published by jAess Media · Privacy Policy & Terms of Use
Sponsorship Assistance for this website and Forum has been provided by people like you