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By Yankee_gal On 2012.01.12 15:45
The man who I have been seeing for 3 years was diagnosed just prior to us meeting. We had relationship issues outside the his condition. Having a background in healthcare I knew what to expect. Although difficult, his condition has always been the least of what makes life challenging being together. My belief is this was not his choice but life handing to him....so we would make the best for that moment..

Having some heavy personal issues, I do my best to be the support he needs. Am I wrong for thinking I need a some time when together that is not about his house he wants to re-do, his messy office, his work problems, his kids, and of course all that pertains to his condition.

I know he needs to talk and especially vent. I know this is difficult beyond what I can imagine. Please tell me... Is it mean to ask for a small piece of time that we act like a couple? Isn't being a couple being there as the support? Shouldn't some time be about something else?

By housemouse On 2012.01.12 20:57
Wow!

My husband and i have been married 45 years, and we are struggling with what Parkinson's has done to our relationship.

I do not know what to say when you are in a new relationship, dealing with renovation, office confusion, kid problems, etc.

To be honest, and forgive me if this isn't what you want to hear/read... reconsider your relationship. It may not be realistic for either one of you, and more complicated than you can manage.

By Yankee_gal On 2012.01.13 00:20
Housemouse

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your thoughts. It is difficult to leave the relationship. He has no one to help. How do I do something like that to a man who is decent and kind?

Thank you again for responding.

By susger8 On 2012.01.13 08:06
Being a caregiver is a very big commitment and requires a lot of consideration. If you've read some of the stories of the members here, you may be starting to get an idea of what you would be in for. My feeling is that if you have doubts, don't do it. I'm sure you feel a responsibility, and you don't want to leave him with no support. But you would be in essence giving up your own life. Don't do it if you are not whole-hearted about it.

Sue

By karolinakitty On 2012.01.13 08:28
Yankee Gal.....It is a tough decision...My guy and I aren't married and his dx was after we were together only 2-3 years..sooooo...I love him unconditionally and am very proactive in his care...ph.. and I have no intentions of leaving despite all there is to this disease...

If you care to email me to vent or try to understand more...you can do so at pennyadams4u@gmail.com, in case you are uncomfortable stating some things here....

there are many here whom I talk to off board....so don't be afraid to write...just put yankee gal in the re:

By LOHENGR1N On 2012.01.13 14:01
Yankee_gal, Welcome to the forum. I don't know what to tell you except Parkinson's Disease is sometimes described as being an Elephant in the room. Once it is diagnosed it's there starting to take up the room and life. It's huge and in the beginning you can try sidestepping it and getting around it but as time goes on it grows and occupies most of ones time and space. So in that sense yes it is wrong to think you can get time together without (his house, office and kids this might be done) all that pertains to his condition. I know this sounds hard and cold but it is the truth. I hope I don't get negitive feedback about stating that but I'm not going to lie to you. The ugly monster Parkinson's Disease has invaded Him and as of now there is no way to rid it. So it's unrealistic to think you can find time together without it. However you can probably find ways to spend time alone together making the most of it if you try and remember the disease will pop in those plans but you will find ways to work around it when it does. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By parkinit On 2012.01.14 18:42
YG -
Welcome. I fear you may THINK you know what you are getting into, but don't really. No kids? No other family? No one? I promise you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg and probably the conversations that evolve around your SO (significant other) are not going to ease up. PD is a very egocentric disease and causes the person to talk about what evolves around them and not much else. I know.

I agree that you should reconsider and make yourself less and less available and if you are cohabitating, you may want to start looking for your own place...

I was in your shoes at one point and if I knew then what I know now, I would be giving myself the advice I am giving you. Today, however, I'm in for the long haul and plan on being by my guy's side for as long as it takes.

By chroop67 On 2012.01.14 18:57
Ask yourself this, ' If he did not have PD, would I still be with him?' Sounds like you have enough problems w/o the disease complicating things. If you are only staying because it will look like you left because of PD, then you are doing both you and him a great disservice. You will lose your life and grow resentful and bitter. He will continue to use the disease to manipulate your actions and choices towards him.
You both deserve more.


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