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By barb On 2012.02.06 10:45
I couldn't handle being a 24/7 caregiver and I couldn't stand living with all the clutter. He wouldn't hire help when I was there and he wouldn't agree to have blinds put on the French doors in his office so I could close them when people came. I couldn't invite people in and I couldn't leave him alone. I became miserable. I complained and stressed him out. His Parkinson's was worse with me around. I could tell when I stopped in after I'd left that he was doing better and I was told that didn't exhibit any of the symptoms he had when I'm around. So maybe he is better off without me

By chroop67 On 2012.02.08 22:14
Hard decision but yours alone to make. I applaud you for your courage.

By barb On 2012.02.11 16:58
I'm not sure it took courage but I feel like I was making both of us miserable. I didn't know how not to nag and I didn't know how to let him fail. I was driving both of us crazy. He kept saying it was like living with his mother. My fibromyalgia was getting worse every day and we were mean to each other. Now that I'm gone he has hired someone to help out a few hours a day.

I love him but I couldn't live with the mess, I couldn't learn to stop trying to control the situation and in my heart I believe he will be happier and more self confident without me. I also think he will move tq a place where he will have much better medical care. I love him and he may end up hating me but I think he will be better off without me. I'm overwhelmed and too controlling.

By LindaRhea On 2012.02.25 00:10
Barb, I really admire your strength and self preservation. I'm about to lose my mind. My husband tells me I'm pissed off all the time and is constantly critical, insulting and doesn't appreciate anything I do. I have given up almost all my interests (travel and friends) and sit at home, ready to help him when he wants me. He only wants me when HE wants me and has little or no consideration for me. I have learned to live with that, but I'm getting tired. He hasnt' gone as far as your husband, but the constant stream of unhappiness here at home is getting me down. He never leaves the house, and won't have people come over. I really feel isolated.

Thank you for showing me there is hope.

By barb On 2012.02.27 08:20
I was gone for less than a month . He hired help when he needed it. He also had a complete physical and his meds were tweaked again. Some of what this great team of doctors told him I've said to him before (I wasn't with him this time). he is a changed person. Doesn't eat after taking his sinimet, tries to control the clutter and seems to understand why I left . I'm back. I'd like it to work. while I was gone l attended a caregiver support group meeting. An older gentleman with Parkinson's told me we can't let Parkinson's become the excuse. He told me nobody wants to have this horrible thing but you can't play the Parkinson's card all the time. Both partners in a marriage need to feel loved and appreciated. So I came back to a sparkling clean house and a husband who seems willing to meet me halfway. Not easy but wo

By barb On 2012.02.27 08:22
Sorry my smart phone cut me off in the middle of a sentence. I'm back home and we are trying to make it work.

By LotsaBob On 2012.02.27 12:22
Good for you. I hope it all works out for you two. I know I am not the best patient but I love my wife very much and she works full time and has to come home to a grumpy old man every day. Hang in there.

By parkinit On 2012.03.01 10:42
Barb - I wish you the best.

By barb On 2012.03.04 11:01
I've been home a week now and we are both trying. This hadn't been my first go round as a caregiver so it wasn't the reason I left. My husband is more considerate and I'm trying to close my eyes to some things that drove me crazy. He doesn't take me for granted now. He has the right to be angry that he has Parkinson's - we both hate it but we don't talk about it constantly. I gave him information about fibromyalgia so he understands more about how I feel. In our situation my leaving broke a destructive cycle. I wouldn't recommend it for everyone but it seems to have been the right thing for us.


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