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Topic Guilt and Worry Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By chroop67 On 2012.03.13 11:14
So..... my mom has been in a nursing home for a year and a half. It is a fantastic facility, very little staff turnover and they operate according to the 'Eden' philosophy, which, simply put, endeavours to create a home-like environment.
Here is where I am at. My husband, who just retired, and I are planning to move out of province. This has been our dream for many years. My mom has always been very supportive and insisted that we not put on our plans on hold for her.
I know how hard this is going to be for her. I have 3 other siblings, 2 live here also and the literally never visit. So she truly feels like me and my husband are all she has.
I don't have excessive guilt about leaving her but I can see already that this is going to affect her in a negative way. We are probably not moving for a couple of months but she is starting to panic. She has wonderful sisters but none of them live here. Moving her with us is not an option as I don't think she would tolerate the change and all her docs are here and she is in a great facility.
I think she is going to 'crash' when we go. I have reassured her that we will still talk everyday(several times) and we plan on coming back as our daughter is here(she will visit mom).
Have any of you been faced with similar decisions? Is there some ways I can make it easier for her?

By Pearly4 On 2012.03.13 12:46
Never personally been through it, but here are some things I thought about when in the opposite situation of having my mother talk of making a move 150 miles away from our care:

Make sure the facility knows what you are thinking about so that they can reassure her and make sure she gets involved in or stays involved in facility activities.

Hire a "companion" if you can afford it, or there are some volunteer agencies near us here that we could have enlisted help from, to make regular visits on whatever schedule you can afford or work out.

If you're not involved in a church or she isn't, is there one close by where you can enlist the aid of the church members? One near where my mother hoped to move had a youth group who became involved with shut-ins and made regular visits part of their curriculum.

Besides the phone calls try to make sure there are regular mail deliveries to her room with plenty of cards, post cards, letters, pictures, etc. Maybe, if she's still capable of writing, supply her with the same to send to you.

Does she have a hobby she can still participate in? Make sure she has plenty of materials for use.

Set up a week of "practice" with her approval - a week when you pretend to be living elsewhere as does she, so that she can see and understand that life will go on.

I can't imagine how frightened and guilty you feel as well as how frightened and guilty she must feel! Prayers for both of you!

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