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Topic Giving Up? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By plcpainter On 2012.03.20 12:46
My PD husband and I decided together that we would move him into an assisted living facility near us in mid-February. I have managed to create a living space in his apartment that feels very much like an extension of our home. He says he feels safe there and taken care of. It has allowed me to relate to him again as a wife and friend rather than as patient/caregiver. That has been a real blessing. The past 10 days has seen a real down turn. St. Patrick's day was our anniversary and I spent the entire day with him, bringing him to the house, cooking favorite foods, etc. All he wanted to talk about was dying. He says , "I don't think I have much time left". I took down some St. Pat's decorations I'd put up in his apartment, and said I'd store them for next year, and he said, "Well, that's awful optimistic". He's had prostate cancer twice, melanoma, and kidney problems but all those are under control. He's in pretty good health except for the PD where he'd probably be considered a late Stage 4 or early 5. He's lost about 10 lbs and is starting to not want to go down to the dining room to eat, but is eating ok once he gets there. He has lost interest in so many things that bring him joy. He seems to be pulling away from this world. Can people just will themselves to die? He will be 80 in June but I don't know if we'll make it that long. I'm freaked out by all this and besides trying to learn to live without him in my house, I'm scared to think about not having him in my life.

By lurkingforacure On 2012.03.20 14:33
I saw this in my mom and have posted about it before. She didnt' have PD, but something called "terminal decline" where she lost weight, didn't eat much, slept a lot, talked to people that had previously passed away (with you sitting right there), it is very hard. I don't know that anyone can "will" themselves to die, but I do think they can give up. She just felt so bad and had declined so much in such a short time after falling twice and hitting her head twice, I think she could not see what there was to live for (this was hard to accept, because she adored her grandchildren).

The staff at her facility told me to prepare myself. I didn't, because I was in denial, and that made things much harder, as if they aren't hard enough, right?

By RhondaM On 2012.03.20 16:42
My dad began to talk and act like that in 2001 and I was very concerned and talked to his doctor about it, but my dad then improved and lived two more years after that. When he did eventually pass, he actually seemed to be on an "up" there at the end as opposed to a downer, he seemed happier and more content than he had been in years, and then he fell and hit his head and had to have staples in it, and I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but evidently that night he inhaled something at dinner and died quickly of aspiration pneumonia the next day by noon. In a way I felt we had a gift from God in that we got him "back" for a short time, when we felt we'd lost him in small bit and pieces for years, and he went quickly and painlessly when he began falling, which kept him from having to be confined to a wheelchair or bed. Was it easy to give him up? No. It never is. But now I remember the dad he used to be, not the shell of himself that he became, and I am glad we didn't have to see him get any sicker and more helpless. It took a while to feel it, but I can see that it was a blessing. That was 2003, and now I've since lost my mother, whom I cared for all through 2010 until she passed. I miss them both terribly, but I have faith that I will see them again, and I feel blessed that I was with them both when they left this world.

By susger8 On 2012.03.21 07:53
It's only been a few weeks since he moved into the assisted living facility, right? He hasn't really had time to adjust yet. I think it's still possible that he could improve once he gets used to it.

My experience with my father is that people in the later stages of PD have trouble adjusting to a change in environment.


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