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Topic Sibling Disagreement, Should Dad move in? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By BlueButterfly On 2012.07.12 23:10
New to this site. In need of some advice........

My father recently diagnosed, but in stage 2/3. He lives alone. About 2.5 months ago my father mentioned that he would like to start considering looking for a house to move into with myself, my husband, and children. When my sister found out, she was very upset. She feels it is much too soon, and is worried that living with children will be overwhelming as we have four, between 2y and 7y. She is also worried that he become dependant more quickly. After discussing my father's concerns with him, he expressed that he gets anxious when the medicine wears down, and is worried about his being alone at night when the tremors creep up on him. And obviously, he has good and bad days. I feel that it would be helpful to begin making the adjustment now, rather than waiting until his needs are more intensive. My father is 64 years old and started showing symptoms 2 years ago (in retrospect). Parkinson's is stilll new to me, and I am not sure what to do at this point. Having him move in will mean major changes for my young family, although I am more than willing to do this for him. I would just like to feel like I am making an informed decision. Thank you.

By moonswife On 2012.07.13 00:15
Your plea for advice struck home with me. My husband has had Parkinson's since the middle 90's. Was able to work for 10 more years. I am still working. We live in a blended household. Our daughter lost her husband last fall and she (39) and our 2 yr old granddaughter moved in upstairs. She is the best thing in his day right now.
We had modified 3 downstairs rooms into a handicapped suite. My husband too is anxious often during the day when I am at work. Luckily I am 3 minutes away. Your sister needs to read more about how anxiety make PD symptoms worse, and the Rx less effective. Sister should spend 48 consecutive hours with him before she makes this kind of assessment. Read all the posts over the last 2 weeks. You will see an amazing thread that addresses the things you talk about. Best of luck to you.

By lurkingforacure On 2012.07.13 07:53
I agree and would add that your dad is competent to decide these things for himself and if he thinks he needs to do this, and it's OK with your family (a big change for all, but you are an earth angel to open your home to him, what a blessing for him that is), then do it. It is VERY hard for anyone to admit they no longer can live alone, I think he has probably already have given this a lot of thought. No one wants to give up their independence, I don't think.

Your sister needs to read about PD and what it is like, and yes, she should have to spend several consecutive days with your dad. I'll also add that your life is going to be really changed, we also have kids and it is VERY hard dealing with all of their needs and those of PD daddy. Be sure your family understands what it can be like.

One other thing: someone, probably you since he will be living with you, needs to make sure he has signed power of attorneys, directive to physicians, a will, etc. You may not need them now but it is always better to have those things done when competency is not an issue and you dont' need them. Just put them in a safe deposit box and make sure his doctor(s) have copies of the ones pertaining to health care. Each state has different laws about this so perhaps contact your local elder care agency and they should be able to give you some general advice.

Your dad is incredibly fortunate, many PWP have no one who can or will help.

By parkinit On 2012.07.16 10:53
Blue -

I believe there possibly could be a bit of sisterly jealousy in your sister's reaction. Is it the fact that "she doesn't think he is ready" to live with someone, or could it be the fact that he chose you?

I know when my spouse was stage 2, he appeared quite lucid and functional, but there were times I would find him in a chair in a stupor, he became easily confused about pill administration, and yes, he was scared at times because he was alone (this was before we were married).

PWP need caregivers and I applaud you for being willing to do this. It is not an easy path.

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