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Topic Bedroom arrangements and more Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By Parkspouse On 2012.07.24 20:48
My husband and I are in a real quandary. He is the PWP, has some dementia and hallucinations at times, no longer drives, occasional freezing, needs some help dressing, showering, toileting, etc. etc. He is still mobile, but not ready for a marathon. For his sake, we need to move to a safer, handicap accessible home.

We have been looking at condos and have found one particular nice property which we really like, but it has one drawback: there are two bedrooms, which is adequate for us, but one is upstairs in the loft. For now that is OK, but I have this little fear that one day we may want the second bedroom downstairs. I read and hear so often that a Parkie couple ends up in separate bedrooms for various and essential reasons.

I would love some feedback as to whether or not we are making a bad move to a place that has only a master suite on the first floor (with a super, large handicap roll-in shower and handicap sink, by the way). The condo is also totally handicap accessible. We can afford it, but hesitate because as Parkinson's goes, we don't know if we would get to enjoy our new place for only a year or two, (or maybe for ten?? - who knows!), then have to sell it. Or should be simply gamble on the possibility that we could be lucky enough to be stay there, with some help, until it is no longer possible for his care?

To put another twist in it, we recently looked into his long-term care insurance policy, and found that we could move in to an assisted living facility together and have it paid for five years. It sounds enticing, but it really scares me. I am only 62, he is 71. In five years he surely won't be any better, and then what? It seems to me we would have to stay, because that certainly would not be the time to start out new in a new home by ourselves. Even if something happened to him before that, I would have to move and start all over, without a place to live, on my own - little furniture, etc. etc. The other gamble is that we stay in the condo until he gets really critical and get to use the insurance policy at that point.

We just don't know what to do, and it is really driving us crazy. Of course there is no one answer, but I sure would appreciate comments from anyone who has experienced this same dilemma in one way or another. Thank you!

By lurkingforacure On 2012.07.25 08:07
I would get the condo, and save the insurance for when you REALLY need it. When that time comes, and hopefully it will be a long time away, then you can sell the condo, have the insurance pay for the five years, and have the condo money for a nest egg for whatever you need.

If you burn through the insurance money now, you get five years. Assuming the worst, what if, at the end of five years, he's in need of a lot of help, which you, being five years old, will not be able to provide. Then what? You will burn through whatever is left of your savings in no time, which could leave you both in a real pickle.

When I have huge decisions like this I try to put in almost in a spreadsheet form, listing pros and cons for all options, with the goals set forth at the top. Then you can gather all information, input it into your spreadsheet, and see which option achieves your goal(s) the best.

Be sure to cover all contingencies, such as best and worst case scenario. Read up on this forum to see how hard, bad, and expensive things can get, and assume that will happen. As they say, plan for the worst, and hope for the best.

It doesn't have to be fancy, either. Just write down each option, and use a matrix for "pro" and "con". You'd be surprised how this can help clarify things when you are overwhelmed.

By cmonge On 2012.07.28 12:28
I would get the condo. The upstairs loft will become your haven and will probably suffice as a second bedroom. You really only need a place to retreat and sleep. Save the insurance. It's sad but a PD reality in that you may or may not need it because you never know how long a PD patient has.

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