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Topic So I had a good cry today... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By gap2010 On 2012.08.04 15:30
I was outside today trying to get rid of some of the weeds that have continued to grow despite the drought, and all of the sudden grief overtook me and I cried and sobbed because of what this disease is doing to my husband and to our lives. I was remembering how we would do yard work together and when done we would sit back and relax and take pride in our yard. The past few months my husband has either been in such pain that he has to take so much medicine that it wipes him out for days and then the cycle begins again. I hate this disease. I hate what it does to him and there's nothing I can do. I hate how it has changed our future plans. Parkinson's disease sucks!! That being said, pulling weeds and crying at the same time was quite therapeutic. No one could tell since it was so hot it looked like I was just sweating. Just venting today. Plus I turn 50 tomorrow and this is not where I thought I would be and what we would be dealing with at this age. Probably part of the emotional day today. Hope all of you are having a better day.

By jaxrock On 2012.08.04 16:40
I'm sure most of us do that very exact thing............when we're overwhelmed with sadness - and seeing our loved one no longer being who they used to be - we cry. I feel so sad for you............and I do know exactly how you felt gardening and crying.....We're certainly not the same couple that we used to's heartbreaking.
I do hope the rest of your day was a bit better....sometimes, it goes minute by minute, doesn' it? mentioned pain.............what kind of pain? My husband has recently seen 4 doctors, had MRI, x-rays..........and pain meds....Nothing is helping his excrutiating pain in his legs..........from his hips to his ankles........He's been walking occasionally with his walker just to get relief...............I've been wondering - and the doctors have NOT said it is - but I think it's from his PD....He's had PD many years, now............and has been on lots of meds...
In any case, please take care of yourself.............we've gotta stay strong...

By gap2010 On 2012.08.06 06:23
My husband has horrible pain in his legs and feet, especially at night. It's like charlie horses X10. He takes naproxyn, muscle relaxers, vicadin, xanax and it still doesn't help. He also has pain in his neck and shoulders. I mentioned this to his neurologist, but she didn't suggest she probably thinks it's part of the PD. It's awful to watch him suffer and there's nothing I can do. Thanks so much for your response and encouragement. It helps a lot to know I have a place I can vent and those here can understand what it's like. Those who don't live with this disease have a really hard time relating. I'm sorry your husband is suffering with pain like this. This disease has such ugly consequences. But my day is going much better. Look forward to the good days he has and am thankful for those. Hope your day is a good one!

By moonswife On 2012.08.06 10:24
My husband has identical symptoms. Unlike your husband, he REFUSES the pain meds you list, as he feels they interfere with his PD meds. I enrolled in in a 100 hr massage program, and learned alot of techniques to give him comfort. Since I still work full time I have decided to pick and choose which advanced classes to add. There is one technique, petrissage, that really helps. You can watch videos on line and get the general idea. Hope it helps him too.

By Freespirit On 2012.08.06 16:47
Just wanted to reply to this as I can relate so much! This disease and the toll it takes on a relationship is devastating. My husband has had PD for 12 years now and is so different from how he used to be motivation-wise, etc For a long time, I kept hoping it would get better, but I think I am accepting now that it doesn't/won't get better as this is a progressive disease. I try to go with whatever he is capable of in the moment and cherish whatever he is capable of. This varies from day to day and sometimes from hour to hour. I have found myself in what I call "anticipatory grief." I use my drive to and from work to cry and unload the disappointment and sadness. I also use it to pray for strength to meet the demands. I can only do this ODAT.

By parkinit On 2012.08.08 11:02
gap -

Yes, we can all relate. I believe this disease has taken not only from the PWP, but from me. We both are shadows of our former selves in many ways. It sucks the life out of the person and the caregiver. It changes what you do, how you do it and with whom you have in your life. I've had to tell people who don't have handicap-accesible homes that we can't visit them any longer. Close relatives. If they want to keep up contact, they now come visit us. Some don't. I long for the friendships I once had as well as working relationships that no longer exist because of this disease.

It's okay to feel sorry for ourselves because we've lost lots, but then, it is also important, as you have done, to wash that sadness out, put on your "fighting PD" armor and head out there again to be the support person, advocate, friend, ally, spouse or child that our PWP needs.

God bless you all.

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