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Topic How do I forgive the behavior .... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By MissMaryPat On 2012.09.26 14:30
I just found this forum (Thank God!!) as I was doing research after an incident yesterday.

My father is 74 and has Parkinson's. His meds list is as long as my arm, but I have found the culprit - Mirapex. He takes the generic, Pramipexole Dihydrochloride. He takes 1 tablet, 3 times a day.

My parents live in an independent living facility in our home town. They have been married 53 years. I have 4 older brothers, but I have been the primary go to for my parents for almost everything. I love them to death and my dad has been my rock for the 46 years that I have been around. I worship the ground that he walks on, as does my 20 year old daughter. Here comes the 'incident' ......

Yesterday was my Mom's birthday. Dad called my daughter and asked her to stop at the florist and pick up the flowers that he had ordered for her and bring them to the apartment. Of course she did-why wouldn't she? She would do anything for him!! When she got to the apartment, my Mom was gone. Dad got up and gave her a hug, like he always does, but this time it was lingering. His hands went to her hips and then under her shirt to her lower back. He asked her if she wanted a back rub. He gave her a kiss on the lips. She said that she was running late to class and had to get going. He said, 'I have been thinking about you, don't be afraid of me, please stay a little longer.'. She did everything that she could to not vomit and all but ran out of there and immediately came to see me. She was hysterically crying, uncontrollably crying, she could hardly get the words out. She told me that she didn't want to go there with the flowers, but she didn't know how to tell me. She didn't know how to tell me that it had happened before, 4 days ago. She had stopped in to surprise them at their apartment and to have dinner with them. The hug on that day lingered as well, but she thought it was maybe a one time thing, that maybe she was imagining it. He told her how pretty she looked and that he loved her smile so much. He said to her, out of my mother's earshot 'I think it's obvious that you are my favorite by the way that I touch you'!! She brushed him off, again hoping that it was just a one time thing. Then the incident yesterday made her so ill that she knew that she had to tell me.

I immediately got his psych doctor on the line and we had a conference call. She reiterated time and time again that it was the drug that made him do it, that it was NOTHING that my daughter did. We are both trying to accept and understand that, but a line was crossed. I will be going to an appointment this afternoon with my parents, the psychiatrist (who was going to talk to the neuro doctor about the meds and making a change) and 2 of my brothers. I am sick to my stomach at the thought of seeing him. My God, this is my father that I am talking about, I can not believe that I am actually saying this.

Back to my original question ... How do I forgive the behavior???

By LOHENGR1N On 2012.09.26 15:21
Hi MissMaryPat, Welcome to the forum. I wish you found us under better circumstances. Hopefully with the doctors help you'll all be able to understand the behavior clearer. Now there are many threads here about meripex and requip and the side-effects of these drugs. They may help you a little right now as you'll see you're not alone and in fact most on these drugs in time develop problems. If you scroll down to the bottom of the forum page and click on pg. 2 there is a thread titled requip which brings up a problem similar to the one you discuss. Others here will no doubt be very helpful and more knowledgeable about this class of drugs than I (as they have delt firsthand with these effects). Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By jcoff012 On 2012.09.26 17:17
My husband was dx three years ago and has been through several meds. His latest is Requip. So far, it is a low dose/three times a day. Other than his falling asleep at odd times, we aren't experiencing any other side effects. However, I do know that there are often rather unpleasant sexual side effects, including obsessions with prostitutes, etc. I would suggest, too, that you bring these events up to the doctor. If a normally wonderful man starts behaving oddly, or even offensively, it needs to be noted and corrected, if possible.

Now, to your daughter...I know that dealing with our grown children and PD is a terribly difficult journey. I have one daughter who refuses to see what is going to happen, and thinks I am being overly dramatic, so I just simply don't tell her what is going on...she is coming up next week, but will stay at her sister's home about a half hour away, just to avoid being around her dad and his tremors. We have a four bedroom home, so we have plenty of room...she just lives in denial.

I think I would ask the doctor for advice on how to talk to your daughter. She is hurt, confused, and needs help understanding that it is the medicine that is making her grandfather act so oddly. Perhaps after the meds are changed, the two of you could visit together? I see in my husband's face that his soul is almost ripped from his body when we don't see our grandkids regularly.

Good luck and I hope you find a solution. Until then, make sure you tell your daughter she is not at fault and that she needs to tell you again if she is approached so that grandpa can get help.

I find it amazing that most people only see the withering body, and cannot accept the withering mind...and that is the worst part...through no fault of their own, a PWP becomes someone we didn't marry or have as a parent...and most would NEVER act oddly if it weren't for the medicines for the disease. Good luck and come back on if you need to talk. Jane

By chroop67 On 2012.09.26 21:35
My heart goes out to you!!! I can't imagine how I would feel in your situation. My mantra has become,
" It's not my Mom its just the disease."
It has become my coping mechanism. I think your dad would be devastated if he realized what he did, maybe he mistook your daughter for your mom in younger years. As for your daughter, I hope for her that she will be able to move past this and realize that this wretched disease robs us all of the person we love long before they are physically gone. Take care and know that this is a very safe place to express ALL your fears, hurts and sorrows.

By MissMaryPat On 2012.09.27 08:50
Thank you all for your replies! As I continue to read different posts and replies, I realize that everyone is going through something horrible related to this disease and my heart goes out to everyone.

So, I went to the appointment yesterday with my parents and my brother. It was very hard to see my dad and not run up to him and hug him as I always do. I know it will come shortly, but yesterday it was not going to happen. The doctors decided that they would wean him totally off of the Mirapex and they are going to start him on a very low dose of Zyprexa. Their goal is to treat the manic thoughts and hopefully curb the sexual urges. Has anyone had any experience with Zyprexa? Does anyone have any thoughts on what we might expect as he comes off of the Mirapex? The doctor told us that he may once again begin to shuffle, have tremors and find that he is more rigid in his motions. Anything else that we should look for?

As for my daughter.........well, she is still struggling, but has an appointment to meet with a counselor that understands the actions of PWP. I think that I may go and see someone as well, just to get my own emotions in check.

Thanks again to everyone for your kind words, thoughts and suggestions. This is a WONDERFUL place that I have found <3

By jaxrock On 2012.09.27 18:37
I would definitely suspect the drug..........

My husband's neuro took him off Requip.............

He had just begun exhibiting odd (sexual) behaviors...

They stopped immediately when the Requip was stopped.

Good Luck...........these drugs are horrible!

By parkinit On 2012.09.30 21:57
How horrible for you and your daughter.

My spouse has said and done highly inappropriate remarks when on Requip, so these drugs are ones of which to be very wary. I don't care how much they help the PD, it can never outweigh how they destroy many, many families by their so called and (incorrectly) benignly labeled "side effects."

As a parent, we need to allow our children to be open and feel protected by us. I think your daughter needs to know that she will NEVER be left alone with her grandfather again. Even though she can be told "it was just the drug," it may take her a long while to truly comprehend and accept this - maybe until she is well into her "grownup" years. She needs to know that you will protect her and take care of her first and foremost and will never be put in a situation where she will feel uncomfortable.

Hugs to you both.

By Jane On 2012.10.01 16:00
I feel sadness for you and your daughter. My husband who is on Requip hears me having parties with people I have invited into the house during the night. Even though I know it is his hallucinations I feel anger of having to deal with this behavior and feel as if I just want to get away from him at those times. But then I compare my experiencing these painful interactions with him as having to deal with someone who is ill, vomiting in front of me. This comparison has helped me to not hold onto the feelings that I experience when he is acusing me of infidelity and allow me to enjoy the other parts of his personality. Take care.

By abp0822 On 2012.10.02 16:54
What a sad and upsetting experience. I echo the others: it was absolutely the Mirapex. It brings out obsessions and lowers inhibitions in many people. Not all people but when it does, it is bad. For my PDer it was online porn and compulsive eating as well as hallucinations. For others it is often gambling or sex addiction.

It will take time for your daughter to get past this but getting him off the Mirapex is the right thing to do.

Jane - have you tried any alternatives? For my dad Stalevo worked for his PD without the side effects of Mirapex or Requip. Some docs say taper off, others don't - maybe your husband needs to taper rather than transition cold turkey?

By VioletV On 2012.10.14 12:17
How difficult for you and your daughter. She's very young -- too young to be able to have much distance on this experience. Mirapex is a very powerful drug that activates behaviors that have almost nothing to do with the person himself. One thing that might help her - to think about the grandfather she's always known and loved, and to imagine what THAT grandfather would say to her after such an upsetting experience.

Also it might be useful for her to contact a sexual assault hotline -- understanding that the assault was as much by the drug manufacturer and the drug as by the person.

By cmonge On 2012.10.15 09:38
I completely feel for you. I can forgive the behaviors my husband had on Mirapex but I cannot forget them. We are a young couple and it had a profound affect on our relationship. The worst thing is that after he came out of it he doesn't remember, but I do. I now go through the motions of our husband/wife relationship but I really only see myself as his caretaker.

By hubbywithpd On 2012.10.31 06:24
Hi! This blogging is new for me. My husband has PD and had been on Mirapex. He started the year with compulsive gambling and just after dealing with that, he got onto LOTS of internet porn sites and things got worse from there. It's hard to separate the behavior for me. I feel like cmonge that said she forgives the behavior (which I am still working toward) but can't forget them. I no longer feel like I have a marriage/real life time partner. I know he would never hurt me on purpose but I honestly don't know this new person I am married to. I only wish I were more familiar with this Mirapex and its effects much sooner. Last night he shared with his band that he has the disease. I know this was a big step for him. His playing has deteriorated since being off the drug and I know this is quite frustrating for him. At times I've felt so alone in this because no one in my direct community understands the disease. It's hurtful because he doesn't understand these changes happening with him and neither do I and I feel often like we're both so clueless. I didn't think I would be a caretaker for him for about another 20-30 years when tremors worsened but it seems I've somehow already entered into the role ready or not as I am now having to step into the position of taking over the finances and other household duties he would normally do.

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