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Topic Learning to ignore... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2012.12.06 18:13
Someone on the boards, Ceecee, I think, said I make it sound as if my husband isn't even ill...Well, PD reared it's head again yesterday afternoon, and I decided to do what was suggested...Ignore it...and go on with my life...I did, and today was another GOOD day...

Yesterday, my PWP flew off the handle, hollered at our grandson (3), then stormed upstairs and we didn't see him for four hours. We changed clothes, drove the grandson to his Mom, then silently drove home. He went upstairs, I made myself dinner and worked on Christmas decorations til 11:15...

When we got up this morning, it's like we "lost" 15 hours of time, but are back to normal, laughing and enjoying the day...he even made orange chicken and rice for lunch (one of my favorites)...Now, I am up here decorating and he is reading and sitting with our grandson.

Go figure...wanted to share to let you know, yes, we have bad days, too, but I give him space and don't ask questions...just leave him alone.

Al, or others, do PWP KNOW they are being "jerks", just can't help it? He seems contrite, but never really revisits the time or says he is sorry...I figure for us, anyhow, the best way is to not be confrontational...seems to work so far...a lot less stress! Hugs, Jane

By Marie On 2012.12.07 10:33
Jane, I agree with not being confrontational, that is hard on the caregiver but it works

By LOHENGR1N On 2012.12.07 15:53
Jane, I don't know if others with Parkinson's Disease know if they're being jerks or not. Or if they know it or realize it or not. I can't get inside their head and know what's going on in there. I sometimes have enough trouble navigating inside my own head lol. I know at times I can come off as a jerk to others. I have spent so many years with this disease analyzing what's going on, how it effects me, how the medications are effecting me. What's new in research and promising toward a cure etc, etc. I seem to have lead myself to a place where I'm analyzing everything! Interpersonal relationships included. At times I find it easier to be a "jerk" to a casual observer. If something is amiss I'll cut things short! I myself know it's not always right that others involved like or need explanations. Some really want to understand but at times I don't have the strength for lengthy explanations. It's too much effort at the moment to stop and explain I'm hurting because my medication suddenly cut out, because then I have to explain as you take medication for a longer time it doesn't work and can cut in and out at any given moment. And then add I don't know why it is just the way it is. Or I'm hurting because my L-Dopa level is too high and I'm having dystonia, my level is too low and I'm having more tremor and self- couscous about it, or any multiple of problems that trying to explain grow as the attempt is made. Plus my speech is effected and long talk is exhausting. So cutting short, acting like a jerk is at times self preservation. But I do later try to explain the whyfor of what i did. (as a note what I mean to any reading this long talk is exhausting is when our speech becomes soft and mumbling we have to push our words out breathing deeper and exhaling stronger which psychically exhausts us ...try breathing and exhaling like that your self for a few moments then multiply it by the length of a normal discussion).

To end up some PWP might not know they are acting like jerks, some might. Some may not care and others might not know why they do and some of Us figure it's the quickest cure for the moment. Take care, best of luck and hang in there.

By jcoff012 On 2012.12.07 19:09
Thanks, Al...I guess I was just spouting off...lol...I do that! I don't really think my husband was a jerk, but, then, maybe I do think that! Lolol

On another note, for the third time in as many months, we were almost in an accident...his fault...first time I was glad we have a hemi! Speed helped us avoid it!

We were waiting to turn right out of a Costco parking lot (a long line of cars had been turning in to the left)...I looked, and saw the car coming, but he decided to pull out...the other car must have been tired of waiting in the tun lane, so had sped up...as soon as he realized the car WAS coming straight, he pulled out and slammed ahead, while the other car slammed on its breaks and applied the horn! He said, "I'm sorry..Jane, I'm sorry..." He was visibly shaken and his tremors ramped up...all the way down his leg and up his arm...we pulled over and I said nothing, figured it best to let him work it out...we drove the five minutes to my daughter's home and he sat down for about fifteen minutes. Then drove home. He seems exhausted, so I am writing this...

This is NOT normal driving for him, and it is scary...nothing big yet, but there seems to be a lapse in reaction time...old age or PD? I will keep an eye out...he will not want to drive when he knows he is a hazard, but I am wondering if I should be more proactively encouraging him NOT to drive in crowds?

Thanks, again, for listening...have a happy weekend! Jane

By parkinit On 2012.12.08 20:39
Jane -
To this day, my spouse rues the fact that I helped initiate taking his driver's license away, so good for you if your spouse will accept your recognition of that time. I hope it holds true when the time comes.

It had been evident for several months up to the time we had a "driver's license intervention" with my PWP's family members that his DL needed to be removed. However, he still talks about how "at times" he would be good to drive. It is not true, but he does not see it, so I'm glad his family initiated this before someone was seriously hurt.

Signs we saw that were red flags:
1. consistently going over the center line.
2. consistently going over the edge of the road lines.
3. weaving back and forth.
4. being followed home because someone thought he was having a seizure.
5. going the wrong way (twice) on a one-way road.
6. Going too fast.
7. losing consciousness while driving (he was alone but woke up driving down the ditch down an unfamiliar road).

Just be aware of the red flags and know that time may come when you have to take the tough road of saying, "Honey, it's time," because, frankly, they will be the last person to want to voluntarily remove their driver's license. I do understand this means independence for him and for you. We had to come to terms with that. When he wants to go some where now, I have to take him.

Good luck!

By jaxrock On 2012.12.09 08:42
My husband no longer drives..........this was a very difficult decision for him...but, an easy one for me.

He did all the things mentioned in these posts......very frightening, but he was not aware that his driving had deteriorated so badly.

On a recent afternoon, I was taking a nap upstairs...........when I heard the "ding ding" of our garage door opening, I rushed downstairs to see the car gone. I was frantic! I knew he was unable to safely drive....

He came back a short time later, frightened by what happened...said he couldn't stay in his lane, couldn't see around him, couldn't react quickly enough to stop the car. Luckily, nothing happend to him or to anyone else... he just drove around our neighborhood.

But, that's when I began hiding all of our car keys......I never leave them around the house....stash them in a secret purse I have hanging in my closet.

He proved to himself that he couldnt' drive safely any more....It's a closed issue now.....

He has never mentioned driving himself since that event...

Good luck.......and, please, be pro-active....your peace of mind is worth it!

By VioletV On 2012.12.18 11:28
This is a helpful thing to read. My husband decided, shortly after we moved to our new town, that he didn't want to drive any more. I'm thankful that I didn't have to push him to make that decision, but what a pain to be the only one available to do all the driving.

Somehow having an elderly husband who has a 14 year old daughter (who lives full time with us) is a challenge! I thought I was past the carpool stage!


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