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Topic can't do this Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By phoenix On 2013.02.21 20:53
I really can't do this any more. My husband has no idea who I am much of the time, no idea that my entire life revolves around him, no idea how demanding he is, no idea how much a little thanks would mean to me. Sorry, just don't know what to do.

By jcoff012 On 2013.02.21 21:29
My heart hurts for you, but I am not qualified to give you answers at this point in our journey. I KNOW the folks here will help you. I send you a shoulder to cry on and two ears to listen, if talking helps...Hugs. Jane

By karolinakitty On 2013.02.21 21:47
Phoenix...we are all here for you...the answer in part is in your post...he doesn't know...reallly...he doesn't.....it may be that simple...have you sat down and told him? Have you mentioned how you work 24/7

sometimes you just have to relay that...if he can't understnad mentally...then you do have issues with that and maybe need to move on....or have him move on...I don't know your situation...

By phoenix On 2013.02.21 22:31
Yes, I have tried to tell him, but he doesn't get it. Seems to think that he needs and deserves24/7 care (which he does) but doesn't understand how tough it is on me. He was so nice, considerate, caring and loving, but all of that seems to be gone. In addition to the physical issues, he has become confused and paranoid, and so focused on the disease. Right now it's 10:30 and he has wet 3 of the 4 bed pads we have - so I have to do the laundry or I'll be changing the entire bed a few times tonight. Friends and family tell me it's time for a nursing home, but how can I do that? Makes me feel like I should be doing so much better for him.

;

By jcoff012 On 2013.02.21 22:42
Phoenix, you don't say how long this has been going on or if you get ANY respite...like I said, we aren't at that stage, but having dealt with this with my MIL, no one WANTED a nursing home in the end, but it became necessary after a bad fall.

As an outsider, have you asked for help from family? Maybe church? Again, I am struggling here because I hear your desperation, but don't know the best answers. Bless you, as I know others will help, too.

By karolinakitty On 2013.02.21 22:44
can you go assisted living instead of nursing home...that way at least it gives a little break..
not sure where you live but there are a lot of Methodist Communities that are progressive or regressive.....

you don't have to be methodist either

you can do step plans... you can go asssited living apartment...you can stay there if he gets/needs total nursing or hospice they are a little more expensive but also more adjustable in nature

By parkinit On 2013.02.22 00:38
Is there anyone to give you a break? Can you afford to hire a night time caregiver - even a few nights a week so you can get some rest? You sound at ropes end and desperately on need of a break. My heart goes out to you.

By phoenix On 2013.02.22 21:06
Thanks everyone. Today was a better day. I am lucky to have 3 hours of respite twice a week plus help getting him showered and dressed every morning. Yesterday was just so awful for both of us, and I fear those days will happen more and more. The dementia is so hard to deal with and most of the time I just feel so alone and missing my husband. Thanks for listening.


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