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Topic I just don't feel romantic anymore... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By beadobee On 2013.03.21 18:09
Hi there friends. I'm new to this board but sought out someone to talk to.
My husband was diagnosed with PD 4 years ago. We've been married almost 11. He stopped working last May and I felt we needed to file for SSD, which I did, and luckily just found out he was awarded SSD. Between all the issues we all no too well, I have to deal with his psycho ex wife who expects him (us) to still pay almost $1000. for child support for his retarded adult daughter. Ex has been court ordered to file SSD for the daughter, but she has yet to do so, contempt of court if you ask me, but I've no idea what will happen. I've had to deal with all of it. All the paper work, all the phone calls, all the court mess. Yuk. Not to mention the PD and 24 pills my husband has to take a day. He does okay some days, bad others, we all know. I just have lost every ounce of feeling romantic with him. I love him, love his company for the most part, but the rest of it? No thanks. I've become a caretaker and just can't pretend I'm interested in sex. Anyone else feel the same way? Ugh.

By lurkingforacure On 2013.03.21 19:49
All of us, you are not alone. Plus, we are exhausted. All of the time. Be thankful you do not have young kids, we do. I don't know how I get through most days, but I do.

One thing I seem to grapple with is my husband informing me of things I either don't need to really know, or I don't need to know at the time he tells me. Like I will be making breakfast for the kids, packing their lunches, putting socks on our youngest, and in the middle of this chaos he will tell me that he noticed the dog water bowl was empty. I've snapped a few times and told him that I was not the only one in the house that could fill a dog water bowl, and have even asked why he told me instead of just filling it (he is perfectly capable of doing this...he may not feel like it, but he can.) The other day I was beyond capacity and told him that my brain could not handle any more information or words.
We can only process every day so much and some days I hit that limit earlier than others.

So dont' feel bad, we are all there. Just remember your sweetie did nothing to bring this disease on himself, that really helps me.

By carman96 On 2013.03.22 23:23
Yes. This is a very difficult issue. I do still feel romantic towards him sometimes but mostly I just feel burnt out from having to do everything! I was just finishing up our taxes on the computer tonight and had to stop before I printed everything because he pushed the wrong button on the remote. It was an emergency for him that he couldn't get boxing on the Tv! Meanwhile I have been stressing out trying to do the 14000 things I had to do today. Forget intimacy. I'm just too tired!

By phoenix On 2013.03.24 22:53
You are definitely not alone. Very difficult to feel romantic when you feel like a parent/nurse/maid. Of course he just is not able to understand that and gets very offended when you can't dredge up much interest. Sorry, no good answer but a lot of understanding.

By Freespirit On 2013.03.25 12:34
Ha! I would love to, but hubby can't anymore. . .
Oh well, I can dream. :)

By dkleinert On 2013.03.25 23:49
Me, too - my dh was an awesome lover, and I so miss him and the intimacy.....oh, well....glad he does not even think about it anymore (so he tells me) 'cause he would feel badly if he did.

By cmonge On 2013.04.03 20:52
Oh I so empathize with you. I just don't have it in me. Yet I am still young and have lots of male friends who find me attractive so I need to be careful because I know I'm vulnerable. My husband can barely manage it and gets offended because I'm just too exhausted and since I am a caregiver I just see him differently. The romance is just not there. I would love to just put the brakes on it all together because I get nothing out of our few encounters but that would break his heart. What to do?


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