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Topic TEMPER..TEMPER Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By daisy On 2013.08.26 11:53
How do you cope with sudden outbursts of temper.. My DH normally, fairly placid, has over the last few weeks shown a nasty side (verbally) that he has never demonstrated towards me in over 20 years.

It started out with an increase in his "usual" odd behaviours, list making, rechecking everything, becoming more than usually security conscious, slightly paranoid. All the things that are he has normalised over the years, but to anyone else would be abnormal. Then he started hallucinating. This had been happening for a lot longer, but on questioning he always denied it. Of course his meds were the cause and we ended up in the ER. I realise that it might take a while for him to come back to himself, but in the meantime, his anger is directed at me and his mood swings are intolerable.

By jcoff012 On 2013.08.26 12:25
Cope is the right word! My husband is the most gentle, kind man 99 percent of the time, even now. But, he too, has bursts of anger...I think it is frustration coming out...that, and the fact that with PD the brain changes don't always allow "normal" responses. Am I right, Al and Ol?

i also think we humans lash out at the one who is closest to us because through their stated commitment, we know that the other person will not leave. When one is dx with a disease that is life-threatening, losing patience happens. It isn't expected and no one talks about it at the doctor's officer, but it is a fact. It is anger and it is something that needs to be discussed--seems to me that the emotional side of PD needs some serious research and discussion by physicians.

As for what do you do in this instance...walk away. No one deserves to be treated badly, even if you know the cause. Be a sounding board for the symptoms, get help from the doctor, but otherwise, protect your own feelings.

Sadly, PWP rarely realize how they sound or act until someone from the outside notices and comments. In our case, it was our almost 4 year old grandson...He has become my protector, but all it took was several days' comments from him to force my husband to realize he WAS being belligerent/hurtful. I stated in another post, it was sweet but telling, "Grandpa!! You be nice to Grandma, she is nice and I love her! Be NICE!" It opened up the conversation and has yet to happen again. Good luck with this tricky issue. But, again, take care of yourself. Jane

By jcoff012 On 2013.08.26 13:52
Daisy, I just realized, my "walk away" might be misinterpreted...I meant to say walk away from the situation, NOT walk out! Sorry...maybe I should have said, "take a break in another room/other space". I apologize.

By Ishbel and Don On 2013.08.29 03:26
Good to know I am not the only caregiver who experiences the outbursts of anger from my husband of 44 years. His anger is directed at me and always will be. No one else has ever seen him like this. I honestly believe Parkinson patients have a switch that they are capable of turning on and off. Our only son lives in the US so we don't see them very often but when he does see us he will say ...Dad has never changed since he got Parkinsons all those years ago! He has his head buried in the sand.......just does not want to know. I stopped confiding to him as he told me one night he is not going to be calling home as much as I am too negative!! Now when he calls I don't even mention his Dad and he never asks to speak with him. Some times I will ask him if he wants to speak with his Dad and he talks for a few minutes. My husband had always been a great husband he has had Parkinson's since he was 48 and is now approaching 72. It is so hard on the caregiver. I am alone in coping with this horrible decease. I always say you have to live with it to fully understand the impact and the physical and emotional stress it puts on our lives.

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