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Topic I'm just finally posting here! Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By Maddie52 On 2013.09.11 18:15
Hello everyone,

First I just want to say that I have been reading this forum daily for many months. A few months ago I spent days reading the entire forum. It is so comforting and at the same time concerting to see that so many face the same issues that I am facing.

My husband was diagnosed with parkinsons 19 years ago at the age of 46. At the time we were not married and were in the midst of a wonderful romance that became a marriage 15 years ago tomorrow, 9/12/98. My husband was a triathelete with young sons that he adored them and has continued to be the best dad since. He is the most loving and considerate man I have ever known but this horrible disease has taken so much from him that I still cannot understand why this happened to a wonderful person that has never met a stranger.

I'm not sure why I am finally posting. I no longer work and have not since 4 years ago when he had a cardiac arrest subsequent quintiple bypass. There were many complications but we came through it. He spent 4 months last year in a rehab facility after fracturing his pitella (kneecap). He has been home from that for a year now. I am grateful for his recovery.

He has good days and bad days. However now I am the one who is having the extremely bad days. I am struggling with so many issues: his health, my own aging issues, my boredom, etc. We do have support from family but my sister-in-law who helps us alot feels that I can no longer leave him unsupervised for any length of time. He has episodes of freezing and cannot manage his medications on his own. He has fair amount of cognitive issues so that is an additional concern

I am doing the best that I can but I too suffer from depression and this being home all day is driving me crazy. I feel as if we are sinking into an abyss.

I am young 60 and my husband is 65. I stilll want to work and feel that I am slowing disintegrating from not doing using my mind. He is concerned about being alone and therefore I can't get a job outside the home. I haven't been able to figure out a viable work at home solution.

Additionally. I worry about money and how will be able to afford the care that will be needed.

Quite honestly, there is no real reason for this post except that I finally did it.
I thank you all for listening to me. Please know that when read your posts and relate to them I feel stronger.

Thanks you.


By LOHENGR1N On 2013.09.11 23:32
Hi Maddie, Welcome to the forum! Glad you found Us and have found some postings to help you also. Glad You posted and let Us know you're out there and like you said no you're not alone! Looking forward to hearing and seeing more posts from you when you feel like adding your knowledge to the vast store of help and hints here. The first post always seems to be the hatdest and you've gotten past that now :) Again welcome! Take care, best of luck and hang in there

By Mary556 On 2013.09.12 09:02
Peace be with you, Maddie. The thing about depression, when you are in one it can feel like it will never end. A person could start to feel hopeless. The process may not happen quickly, but it will get better, I promise you. If you have not yet told your doctor about being depressed, please do not hesitate. There may be some remedy to help you. It is good that you are here and that you have reached out to others. There are many kind people at this forum who truly care and support one another. In my short time of being here, I've been learning so much, too.

In case this may possibly be an option for you (if you drive and if your husband is able to go with you): If there is a senior citizen center in your area, that could be a good place to go one morning during the week. It would get you out of the house and give you a change of scenery. They usually have several exercise classes (some are co-ed)... Exercise is a good weapon against depression! Senior Centers are not just for elderly people. where my family lives, someone is eligible to join at age 55. The cost of classes here is around $20 for 10 sessions.

My folks have been members of our local Sr Ctr since they retired and they are now in their 80's. It has been a great outlet for them through the years. My mother was in a knitting /crochet group and for many years she has enjoyed the line-dancing class. Lately her mobility is limited so she stands in the back stepping back and forth as much as she is able, sitting out many of the dances altogether. No one seems to mind. It is nice for her to see her friends week after week and the dear ladies are always looking out for her. While my Mom is in her class, my Dad goes to the woodworking shop (to visit), then goes with the guys for coffee in the cafeteria. Everyone welcomes new members. Maybe your husband would find a Sr Ctr activity to interest him. He sounds like a wonderful, friendly person. Maybe he could hang out in the room where people work on jigsaw puzzles and cheer the other visitors by his presence. If he should need you, you would be nearby. Just a thought.

God bless you and yours.

By jcoff012 On 2013.09.12 09:38
Maddie, I agree with the exercising...I am on Weight Watchers, so part of it now is to walk a half hour daily. It was hard to start because I haven't been at all active for a long time (I am 65). But, I started out at 15 minutes, and after two weeks 30. Some days now, after a month, I can make 40, but usually it is 30 each morning. It is often hard to get moving in the morning and I want to NOT do it, but after I get outside and get moving I feel better. Give it a I said, walking requires only good shoes, so it is a healthy, cheap exercise!

I also agree that if you feel depressed, be sure to tell a doctor. A good one will at least listen to you. A better one, will be able to offer suggestions and help.

Welcome to the forum. Post often. Jane

By Rempt2 On 2013.09.12 21:07
Maddie there is help. our local elder care suggested hospice care for us. It provides respite care. If your husband is a vet there are services there. Senior Center, again classes, services. I recently joined a email group for people with chronic disabilities but has opened to caregivers too. I've received a lot of inspiration from that group. it can be found at One thing I've learned from this group is that you may not be able to go back to your old life but you can adapt to what I call my new life. It's not a sad thing but taking stock of what you and your spouse can do. It's been helpful to me anyways. Good luck and God bless.

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