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Topic he's going into long term care Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By phoenix On 2013.09.20 17:14
Got the call today that my husband got to the top of the waiting list and will be going into long term care on Wednesday. Even though family, friends and our doctor all tell me that I have done all that I can and that this is the best thing for him right now, I still feel soooo guilty. I could have done more, I could have been nicer and not lost my patience so often, I shouldn't have been so resentful about not being able to go anywhere and wanting more time for me. The list goes on and on. Don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few days. Of course, I can't tell him anything because he won't understand or remember, which makes it all even worse. We've been together 33 years and now we'll be living together for 5 more days. Don't know how I can cope with this.

By Grammy7 On 2013.09.20 22:57
Phoenix I feel your pain. I wish I could say it gets better. But what does happen is you do adjust. I still feel guilty after a year. My husband went into LT care 8/25/12. I do know that my husband is where he needs to be. I visit him daily and now our time is spent just being together. He no longer needs to see the stress in my eyes. He is now just seeing the love. I am praying for you and your husband.

By Onedayatatime On 2013.09.21 23:25
Dear Phoenix, I am keeping you in my prayers. Your post brought me to tears. I have not been in your situation...I admire you. Try not to feel guilty, you always have been and still are his loving very best always will be.

By carman96 On 2013.09.22 12:41
Phoenix, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is probably normal to feel guilty but I'm sure you have done the best you could under the circumstances. I will try to remember your words the next time I lose my patience with my husband.I wish you strength and peace at this difficult time.

By parkinit On 2013.09.22 14:39
I love that Grammy says he sees the love not the stress. It will allow you to be a better person to and for him. You have to think of that as well.


By Rempt2 On 2013.09.22 15:54
Please don't feel guilt. You did what you could. No one can ask more. visit and take advantage of many of the activites these places offer. Many aren't able as they don't have people to encourage them to attend and they stay in bed all day. God bless you both and give you strength.

By HKMP5N On 2013.09.23 09:08
I feel your pain and I am right in the middle of it now. My father is my Parkinson's patient and with him living alone and my home being 55 minutes away he got to the point he was no longer safe at home.

I have beat myself up plenty wondering if I did all I could. In the end I know I have. I HATE him living in the place he is now, but given his degraded condition of physical abilities, along with dementia, I had no choice. It still tears me up inside each time I visit him now.

By Marilyn-NJ On 2013.09.25 15:49
The journey of PD is long and relentless. I've promised myself that I wouldn't riddle myself with guilt for in my heart I know I've done my best and offered the best of caregiving. As a woman, I wonder what happens when the roles are reversed and the husband is the caregiver. I hate that I lose patience and make a Herculean effort to go with the flow and not verbalize my thoughts. Staying strong is so very hard. I know that I will personally be altered from it all.

My thoughts are with each and every posting and issue.

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