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Topic Might want to skip this if you're looking for a feel good one Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By LOHENGR1N On 2013.11.05 01:11
You may want to skip this post if you're looking for a picker upper. Just a Leonard Cohen song (Hallelujah) With an introverted look from my parkinsonion perspective. (added between verses)


I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The battle king composing Hallelujah
("You have Parkinson's Disease." Diagnosis, go home thinking they're wrong maybe it is a mistake? Maybe there is something anything I can do and God will take it away! Okay I'm in for a battle but God will cure me I've just got to praise Him more)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
(I know God won't let this is too beautiful, too much to do to much to enjoy this wasn't in my/our plans! I am in the prime of my life or I'm just ready to retire and enjoy everything! I'll soon be feeble my illusions of being in control are harshly falling away. But God will save me.)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
(Parkinson's, I've been here before you moved into my body. You've bent me, twisted me made me slower and trembling, my foot steps are halting and shuffling, I wear you like a flag draped over my shoulders for all to see. The future imagined for love is gone, we've got no stroll into the sunset just a shuffle into the darkness looming ahead and whatever it holds. What praise I've got left sounds hollow and cold truly broken)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
(Seems my questions don't get answers, We use to talk God, now it is more of a one way conversation and I feel I'm talking to myself....remember when We did talk and do things I could feel You with Me! Those were such happier times)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe thereís a God above
But all Iíve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
Itís not a cry you can hear at night
Itís not somebody who has seen the light
Itís a cold and itís a broken Hallelujah
( I don't know I'm not as sure as I used to be, love at the best of times is hard now it is easier to retort than hug it seems. Now if you hear it, it's not a praise be! No it's more like a Wolf howling, a long drawn out lonely forlorn wail)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
(Sometime We think what did we do wrong to be punished like this, but really it's just the cards we're deal in life. How're you doing? We hear that and see friends not listen they don't want to really know doesn't matter most hear what they want to hear)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
(We do what we can, never seems enough, we reach out and try to make contact. I've not whitewashed or fibbed about it. I don't mislead or trick anyone. I've tried to live right and do good and not harm or hurt. To be a good role model even as life fell to pieces around me and in me. So in the end if there is a judgement seat I'll stand and make no excuses, I'll utter what ever it is that's left of my cold and broken Hallelujah)
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.05 09:19
I love this song, Al...when it was part of "House", it may be cry every time they used it. Still does. The first time I heard it was years ago, and it made me cry then, too.

Your insignts, as always, are valuable and honest. Jane

By Mary556 On 2013.11.05 09:59
Dear Lohengr1n, you have such a kind heart. I wish we could take the pain away from you and every Person with Parkinson's. Thank you for everything you share with us. Your perspective is so helpful to me and to many, many others.
We thank the Lord for you.

"Dark night of the soul", not being able to feel the presence of God is very painful. Regardless of your own personal challenges, whatever they may be, day after day you remain steadfast and continue to ease burdens for others. You make a difference to someone struggling to find an answer. Thank you for reaching out your helping hand as we journey through this valley of tears. You are a wonderful beacon of light for others. I hope you understand that! Your life work is very important.

God bless you.

By olpilot On 2013.11.07 23:20
This is so powerful,so beautiful. Those words....I can't thank you enough for putting them there.
Al, I copied it and would love to post it on my blog, under your name for the one or two friends an d family that read it..

By LOHENGR1N On 2013.11.07 23:49
No problem Steve, feel free to use it. Your Friend always Al

By parkinit On 2013.11.10 01:33
Al, I wish this bitter cup to be removed not only from my spouse's lips, but yours as well. And if it is not to be, I pray that you are given strength to sustain you in this journey.

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.12 18:16
Al and Steve...i am a fan of "The Voice" and last night, Monday, Nov.11, one of the final 12 contestants sang this song...and did it justice...made me usual...not sure if it is online at, but you might enjoy hearing it. The young man was on Christina's team, Matthew Schuler is his name...a young, handsome black man. He is an amazing singer and was highly praised.

By LOHENGR1N On 2013.11.12 19:39
Jane, I'll try to find it and give it a listen. The first time I heard this song that I remember was at the last winter Olympics. K.D. Lang sang it and it has stuck with me since. I've heard many other versions since and it has almost become My anthem.

By LOHENGR1N On 2014.12.11 01:11
It's just one of those nights folks, I looked back to this post to reread and reflect on it. Thanks to friends for the kindness of comments and encouragement within them. Sometimes (and tonight is one of them) it seems that all I have left is just a cold and broken hallelujah..... But that's enough to keep me going and catch my second wind for the umpteenth time. ....Hallelujah... Echoing through the night air..

By mylove On 2014.12.11 09:13
Agreed. Got home late after we spent hours with a friend whose wife had just died. She had been fighting breast cancer for over fifteen years. Our friend has a broken hip that he's been walking on for a year, but hasn't had time to get fixed because he's been caring for his wife, and more recently, himself. He went in this summer for his surgery work up only to find that he himself has Stage 4 lung. It was dueling chemos for the past few months. We helped out where we could.

Ben is going back over today to deal with paperwork and the incessantly ringing phone full of people wanting to know things, while I go off to work.

It's a damned poor Christmas season for happiness, for sure. Remember for every downturn on the roller coaster there has to be an up, even if it may be slight and hard to see around the curves. Hang in there, everyone.

By jcoff012 On 2014.12.11 12:41
I try really hard to remain positive about life, but sometimes...well...

We made the trip from California to Ohio for my Mom's 95th birthday, stayed a week, then, four days after we got home, she had emergency surgery to replace four stents to her heart...seemed to be doing well, came home for three days, then was rushed to ER for additional surgery...she is now recuperating in the hospital, then to rehab! This is all significant because she is 95! Haven't had a decent night's sleep since Monday when the nurse called...

Add to Carl's slow recovery from the long travel and the snowy and sleeting weather and I fell on my right side this morning and am black and blue...AND it took a normally fifteen minute drive 40 minutes to get Nigel (two roads had flash flooding), and you have our last two weeks! I like to think, other than a few bruises to my shoulder and side, that the pain and anxiety are just part of our current existence, and...this, too, shall pass!

By carman96 On 2014.12.12 23:23
Jane, sorry for what you are going through. It's good that you were able to visit with your mother before she had her emergency. You are worried about your mother and Carl, but you need to let yourself heal. The crazy storm we had was bad.. no one should be driving in conditions like that. I know us grandmas will do anything for our grandchildren, but perhaps Nigel's parents could make other arrangements considering that you and Carl are not doing that well right now. Take care of yourself first!!
Hope you are feeling better soon. Hugs

By jcoff012 On 2014.12.13 13:55
Saturday...Thank you, Sweet Carman, I am doing much better today...finally! I was pretty banged up and have head the mantra..:"DO NOT twist this ankle or bruise your leg...may lead to more permanent damage..." So, when I fell, the only thing I could think of was, "What if I just made my lymphedema worse and cannot help Carl when he needs it?" But, it was for naught...Had two rough days and nights with pain and swelling, but it seems worlds better today!

Nigel was a nice diversion; in fact, he spoke to and cheered up my Mom on the phone. We had over six inches of rain in two days, but no damage here, as we are on a hill and the water runs downhill...was a LOT of, it is sunny and warm, go figure!

Mom goes home today and into rehab, so I feel more relaxed...too many nights with restless sleep! Portends our future with PD I suppose.

Again, thank you for caring...I think we were too tired and clueless as to just HOW bad the weather was to the south of us...until we got on the road!

Off to wrap presents...we are giving one or two to the adults and handing them checks...both of us are worn out and not in a present buying mood! We have lots of things for Emily and Nigel and the house is finally decorated inside and out, so all that is left is cookies!

By carman96 On 2014.12.14 01:18
So glad things are better today Jane. Sunny and warm today huh? It was cloudy and very cold here today! It might snow!

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