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Topic Buying a New Car...sort of... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.10 11:07
Well, yesterday was, shall we say, interesting...

We have needed a new car for some time...we have 108k on our Chrysler...I do love my "cancer car" as my kids called it...we bought it the day I met with my oncology team for the first time, seven years ago, so they say "Dad got you the car you've wanted so you would smile today." LOL Maybe so...

So, yesterday we spent several hours test driving, looking at, and discussing cars. We went to dinner, discussed cars. Went to three different car dealers. Discussed cars. Went online for two hours. Discussed cars. YET...NO decision!...It is now 8 AM Sunday morning and we are going out later "to look more"...

My question...since he is normally OCD about everything without the Requip, is this indecision and "nitpicking" part of the PD journey? Are we doomed to keep looking, finding fault with every car we see? Can he not make a decision now? (We bought my "cancer car" in less than a half hour and still have it!)

I find it frustrating, he says he just hasn't found one he really wants...although, at one point, we test drove the exact same car, seven years newer! And he found fault...I mean, the EXACT same car, down to color...which, when the day started, he said he wished we would find!

Sorry if this is venting...I HAVE to laugh...I do so love this man, but this indecision is rather new to us...Don't want buyer's remorse, but also, we NEED a car! lolol Jane

By dans316 On 2013.11.10 16:59
Jane,

My wife certainly suffers from indecision and the only meds she's been on are Sinement and now Amantadine. Her indecision is focused mostly on what tops to wear or what to eat when we go out for dinner.

Dan

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.10 18:56
Update...STILL no car...infuriating! We went back to the first dealer, test drove another two cars, left...went to two other dealers, test drove three more...we looked at Chryslers, Dodges, Cadillacs, and even a brandnew Corvette (Absolutely amazing, but, at 88K...phew!)...I am burned out...at this point, I do not even want to look...I have found four cars I think are perfect, three different brands...but, we still have the old car...humph! Jane

By Lynnie2 On 2013.11.10 19:24
My husband doesn't make decision like he used to. I do all of the business, pretty well, anyway.
You are going to have to make the decision for him if he keeps on going that way.
Tell him that I think we've looked at a lot of cars and we need to make the decision before these cars are sold. Tell him your thoughts and that you need him to come to some conclusion about one of the cars and you really need another one.
Good luck.

By LOHENGR1N On 2013.11.10 23:49
Jane, the tides have turned remember in time You will be doing most if not all the driving. Get one you like. Another thing to think about is Your Hubbys ease of access getting in and out of the seats. As time goes on this will be harder for Him also. Just a couple of things to remember in your hunt. Good luck.

By VioletV On 2013.11.11 07:51
Al, that's a very important point. We bought a new car about a year ago, but somehow neither of us rode in the passenger seat before buying it (Huh?? I don't believe it either.) The driver's seat was very very comfortable, and my husband, who doesn't drive, rode in the back each time we test drove with the salesman in the car.

We actually had to trade it in after only about 6 months, because the passenger seat was so very very uncomfortable for my husband that we were limiting our driving. Believe me, we test drove the passenger seats very carefully on our next choice!

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.11 10:57
Good points! Thank you all! We are going out again today, but taking our SIL and Nigel with us! Knowing them, they will want us to look at the Corvette again! lol

Ease of entry is definitely on Carl's mind, but so is the price...he is looking at finding a car that we can pay off in a year...he has a great fear I will be left with a lot of bills, etc...so, he keeps being practical...I want him to get this, probably his last car, as the car of his dreams. He is worried about the power of the car. I know he is being a concerned husband who knows that I will be doing the driving, but until he can no longer drive, he wants to be sure it isn't as powerful, for both of our safety.

Again, I appreciate the ideas here...you are right...he didn't want one of the cars because of the comfort of the seats...I will have him sit in the passenger seats today! Hugs, Jane

By carman96 On 2013.11.11 23:45
Good luck Jane. I am at the point with my husband that I have to make all the decisions for both of us. Poor guy he couldn't make a decision to save his life.
I agree that ease is access is important. Also, to get the one you want since like Al said, you will end up doing most of the driving eventually.
Use your powers of persuasion that I'm sure you've developed over your many years of marriage to get the one you think is best! Lol

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.12 14:06
Well, here it is Tuesday and still no car...BUT, my SIL talked him into driving the one I really want and although he is now acting as if I PUSHED him into a test drive, he told the salesman we would be back on Friday to buy it (found out quickly it is too hard to take a four year old to look at/buy a car!)...BUT...

Go figure this...Carl is not speaking to me today...actually, on the drive home, he was silent...then, last night, nothing...I passed it off as too many long days of car shopping, but now I think it is because he is pouting about the car decision. I did as everyone suggested...went to other dealers, he had our SIL go with him on test drives, etc...Then, we wound up looking at the one car I immediately liked the first day...and, so did my SIL...right price, beautiful interieor, brandnew, AND it is a sportier version of the car we had!...The problem is that this is not the car HE wanted...the one he suggested we get is $8K less...but, it doesn't have a V8 hemi like we are used to, nor as good a warranty, etc...I think he agreed to it to please me, but is sorry he did just because he didn't get his own way...sound familiar???

I decided last night to leave him alone with his thoughts...he is usually reasonable, but lately has been more argumentative about even small things...and buying a new car isn't small, so what did I expect?

Not sure how this is all coming out, but at this point, if we don't get this car, I am done...I do not wish to look at others...I am burned out and it no longer is fun looking. Trust me, those of you who know me know I am not being stubborn or mean about this...I just see no further reason to dwell on it...NOT worth all of this indecision. Hugs and thanks for the comments. Jane

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.15 20:02
Will wonders ever cease?! It is Friday and we have a new car..the one I wanted! Chrysler 300s with a v8 hemi engine..LOVE it!

However, to get to this point, it was a sad, angry week...mostly silence and speaking when only necessary! Got up this morning and put on a tshirt and shorts, when he came downstairs and said, "We told him we would be there this morning, you need to get ready!" I lost it, so did he...things were said I wished weren't, but as in any argument, it actually cleared the air...I have come to the conclusion that PWP say things in anger that "normal" folks don't because they don't have the same "control mechanisms" we do...hope that is correct, Steve and Al...lol

Anyhow, got in the car and drove to the dealer...then, Carl did what he does best! As an administrator, he knows people, knows how to make a deal, and knows when someone is playing with the numbers...He told the salesman upfront what he wanted to pay, what we should get for the old car, and he got his deal and only had to give in four hundred dollars more than his bottom line. He was amazing! He was firm! He was back! At one point, after we signed preliminary paperwork, Carl left because he thought he left his meds in the car...the saleman said, "I GET it...he was the corporate killer in dealmaking, right???" After the salesman left to get the car detailed, I told Carl what he said and for the first time in years, he GRiNNED a HUGE grin...it was an amazing metamorphosis...He was back in his element...I was proud of him, he was proud of himself...and, get this...Our credit score enabled a 1.45 percent loan for four years...and that includes 4 oil changes per year for seven years, then all parts and service for fifteen years! Again, it was Carl at his finest..,

Best part of it all was the great feeling Carl had knowing he is still an astute businessman...he was VP for Admin at a state university, so he dealt with millions of dollars annually...this was a much smaller issue, but the look of satisfaction was worth the five days of silence and pouting! lolol...

GREAT ending...One thing, though...in the rush to leave the house, Carl sat his meds on the counter and forgot them...he started shaking badly halfway through the deal and when we got home, the salesman called, worried that the stress caused it...I explained it didn't help, but it was Carl's own fault because he forgot his meds...Nice of him to call...

I guess the moral of my "car story" is that although we caregivers are often the brunt of anger or stress related problems, there are times when if we exercise patience and keep our tempers, there is a good chance things will work out...at least I give Carl credit for this one...this time...next time, we'll see...for now, I am looking forward to driving my new car *although HE drove it home!...lol Jane

By parkinit On 2013.11.20 00:18
You may need to start helping your husband remember his pills. It is catastrophic when they forget and believe me, they really don't forget things on purpose. I finally started taking over the checklist (pills, cane, billfold, hat) as my husband forgot a time or two and then it dawned on me that I need to remember for him to save us both less agony and pain with this awful disease.

Perhaps this is something to watch out for, Jane and how you could assist your spouse so he doesn't go through the awful symptoms described above.

It sounds like you had a very thoughtful salesman!

By carman96 On 2013.11.20 07:32
Congratulations Jane! Glad it all worked out in the end. Enjoy your new car.

By Lynnie2 On 2013.11.20 11:27
That's great that it worked out. You said he drove home. Does he still have his license? My husband's license was suspended this summer because the doctor had concerns. It's hard on him and he loves his truck. I will be the only one driving so we have to think about getting rid of it sometime as we also have a car and I'd rather drive it then the truck. We only use it to pull our golf cart. We had a truck to pull our 5th Wheel but we don't do that anymore
Anyway, enjoy your new car and am glad you finally got that stress out of the way.

By jcoff012 On 2013.11.20 11:39
In many ways, Carl is an atypical person with Parkinson's because he is still very high functionsing...in many ways he is not.--he has the mood swings, anger issues, tremors, extreme back pain, etc..The driving seems to be ok...we have had two times when I was concerned, but both were in parking lots! Most of the time, I am with him in the car, so I watch carefully. He uses cruise control all the time, even at low speeds. Our oldest daughter was killed at 15 by a 16 year old driver who was impaired, so he will NOT drive when it comes time..he and I have talked about this often...he is anticipating losing his license at the renewal in two years...if not sooner.

As for his pills, I ask after each time his iPhone goes off, DID you take your pill? That is three times a day so far...I am hoping that his nre doctor puts him Sinemet, but we will see...he is opposed to it...because of his Mom.

Anyhow, thank you all for listening, for your suggestions, for your love...it is returned, as always. Hugs, Jane

By Lynnie2 On 2013.11.20 14:41
It sounds like my guy exactly with anger, tremors, mood swings and back pain if he does too much.
The driving things started when we were at the doctor for another issue and the doctor was asking about his driving. Unthinking I said something that maybe started the whole thing. I had my concerns, but when mentioning to my girlfriend, she said her husband drives that way and there isn't anything wrong with her husband.
Anyway, the doctor started checking my husband and that's when he asked that he not drive. So.........just be careful what you say to a doctor because they have the power to take your license away, but not the power to give it back.
My husband was blaming me at the first but other people say not to feel guilty and maybe he shouldn't be driving.........and as it turned out.......he shouldn't.
I often ask my husband if he has taken his pills, but I don't remind him every time. He's pretty good that way.

By mylove On 2013.11.21 09:28
Jane - AWESOME story on the car! And I have my own buying a car story too...nearly word for word like yours. Don't feel alone!

Quick tip we learned on the leaving the pills issue (that happens to us too). I started early on carrying at least two backup doses of all his meds in my purse. That way if anything happens like forgetting to fill his pill container or being out later than we planned, I always have something on hand. We rotate them out every couple months to make sure they're not getting out of date, but it's saved our bacon more times than I'd like to count!

By Lynnie2 On 2013.11.21 09:44
I've done the same thing with his Sinemet pills by putting some in my purse.
Sometimes we get half way on our trip and he realizes he left his pill box on the dresser, so it's saved our hide too.


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