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Topic Beware and be prepared Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By seawench On 2014.04.11 09:36
Today I was informed of two devastating things. #1 that inspite of HIPPA laws my husband's medical information was shared. #2 that there is a family member endeavoring to remove my husband from my custody. I had some inkling that there were rumblings in that area and so have made sure that all of our legal paperwork is in proper order, that I have the support of any and all of the medical professionals that have come into contact with us. I have investigated the state laws and found that they have absolutely no leg to stand on.

All of this started when money became involved and it is our belief that they are seeking to control anything that may be coming to him and then passed on to me. We don't care about any money, His father has offered to help with the burial and we have accepted but that is a small drop in the bucket and shouldn't be begrudged to a dying man.

I am devastated by this betrayal and am struggling with how to carry on in a manner worthy of my faith. I have felt that I must say something and because I believe this to be a cautionary tale to other spouses and caregivers I chose this forum to do so, because it is a safe place and I can regain my composure in other forums. Please. Please make sure that you and your loved ones are protected, if you have not filed those wills, living wills, durable power of attorney's and POLST forms (DNR) do so immediately so that if and when you are attacked your fortress of care is unassailable. We as caretakers work so very, very hard to provide the very best care for our loved ones and to have someone attack it and try to force them into a less than desirable situation is appalling. BEWARE and BE Prepared!


By Mary556 On 2014.04.11 12:41
dear Seawench, I'm sorry that you must deal with something so upsetting. the tremendous love, the excellent care you give your husband is obvious to anyone who reads your messages here.
shame on that greedy relative. Love will prevail.
Prayers for you and your dear husband.

By jcoff012 On 2014.04.11 13:35
I am extremely sorry you had to go through this. It is unkind and greedy to say the least. But, you are 100 percent correct...

PLEASE, caregivers and PWP, make sure you have all the legal paperwork in hand, notarized, filed, whetever it takes...and do this now, not later...Two stories...

When our daughter, at 15, was declared brain dead, we decided to remove her from life support after her two sets of grandparents from back East had time for good byes...Because we had already discussed her care with her pediatrician many years before, he knew what she wanted and what we wanted and conveyed that to the ER doctor. I am glad we did because when the time came, and for a year afterward, Carl's mother had a VERY difficult time dealing with it, especially the kidney donations; at the time, she told the doctor she would sell her house to pay for "better" care...Together, we told her that the deicsion was made and we knew what our daughter wanted. It caused a great rift until she was put in the same place with her own brother a year later. *To this day, we are convinced that this was the beginning of her decline into PD...she was diagnosed a year later, after all the stress.*

Then, eight years ago, before the first of three surgeries, my doctor made certain that Carl and I filed all the paperwork BEFORE any procedures...In fact, she stressed we both needed to have paperwork on file...We have DNRs, Health Care PA, and power of attorneys for legal issues. On her advice, we present copies to all hospitals and doctors, including dentists, on our first visits.

Lastly, and this may be only in California, you do NOT need a lawyer to get the paperwork you need. Just Google and you will find the documents needed. You will need to have both signed by two people not related but know you, to act as witnesses. For the Health Care Power of Attorney, we had to have all copies notarized, but it was inexpensive and we have a notary at our bank (or try a real estate office, etc.)

I wish everyone the best of luck, but be SURE you have all paperwork long before you need it. Make sure your relatives understand that you ARE in charge and that your PWP agrees. Jane

By JulieB On 2014.04.12 10:37
Seawench, there is nothing quite so painful and shocking as betrayal. Especially what you're experiencing, as if you needed this on top of everything else PD brings. We would all have our swords to guard the doors for you if we could, but instead send our love, prayers and understanding to a fellow sister/ caregiver. xo

By pickles On 2014.04.13 03:01
Suze Orman has a great must have documents kit that is tailored to each state. Our family used it for the trust, FPOA, and advance directive. Wills that "pour over" into a trust are a bit trickier if you are on medicaid so definitely get a consult on that.

I really like the wording of the trust document too because if the person who establishes the trust becomes incapacitated the successor trustee can set up a bank account for them and not worry about co-mingling assets.

Seawench I'm so sorry your guardianship is being challenged. My heart goes out to you.


By pickles On 2014.04.13 03:04
Not sure of the link policy on this board but this is the kit we purchased for these docs:

It was $30 plus notary fees.

By parkinit On 2014.04.17 01:12
Seawench -

So sorry to hear this. Family members show their true colors during trying times.

Have they been there for the long haul? No. Have they appeared as vultures circling the carcass when money is mentioned and death is near? Yes. Uh, we get the picture.

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