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Topic Anger at husbands freezing and acceptance Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By deegirl On 2014.07.25 20:48
My husband has had PD sinc 1996. I am having a lot of anger watching him freeze all over the house or crawl. I just lost my Mother 6mos ago and father in 2008. So I have had lots of caregiving and stress/anxiety. I get sick and angry watching him mainly because he's stubborn and won't stay away from sweets, or exercise 30mins. like he needs to or take pills on time. Along with this he isn't very understanding and no affection. I am now retired and around him all day. How have you been able to cope? Thanks.

By carman96 On 2014.07.26 03:20
Deegirl, welcome. I know the frustration you are going through. Anger is part of the grieving process. You are not just angry at your husband, but also the disease, and the heartache of losing the husband and life you once knew.
My husband is also very stubborn. He also has dementia so there is no reasoning with him.The lack of empathy is part of the disease. I just keep telling myself he can't help it. They are trapped in a body that won't let them do the things they once did.
One important thing I learned is to try really hard not to react with anger. That just escalates the situation. I know, easier said than done. Walk away if you have to.
How do I cope? Barely. But I do what I have to because I am committed and I take my marriage vows seriously. So one day at a time and and one step at a time.
This forum has some really good people that can give advice.
Good luck and I hope that you can find some acceptance. Anger will eat you up.
So sorry for the loss of your Mom. My mom passed in1996 and I still miss her. My husband was there for me then. It is so hard to go through so much in a short period of time. Get some counseling if you can.

By HangingOn On 2014.07.27 09:58
Thank you both for the posts. I felt awful that I was angry. He doesn't take meds as told and then suffers the consequences.
He tells the doctor he exercises, but really doesn't.
I get angry because why won't he take care of himself for both of us? I love him and want him around.
Thank you for writing this.

By jcoff012 On 2014.08.11 16:47
I agree with Carman, walk away...I do. What I have learned early on is to stand up for myself, then walk away. It makes him angry that I don't "listen" to his opinion or his view on something, but unless I treat our discussions honestly, I don't think *I* could go on. I just don't keep pressing an issue...learn to pick your battles.

As for him not wanting to be with you because he doesn't exercise, etc., I am afraid I don't see it that way. Having had several major health issues in the last few years, I can honestly say that when one is given a dx, it is easy to make changes and promises to follow a healthier lifestyle...then, after the reality of life settles in it is just as easy to fall back on bad habits...Old habits are learned and ingrained, so when one is faced with a new routine, it takes time, and it is often easier to revert back than to face the consequences. That said, Al has often reminded us that PWPs do not TRY to make us angry, nor do they NOT do something that others deem necessary for a PWP, they just simply often cannot.

You have asked, so I will tell you...I truly believe all of the stress you have had prior to the dx of PD has set the stage for your reaction to your husband's seemingly uncaring disposition. In the last seven years, we have lost my BIL suddenly, my FIL to cancer, MIL to Parkinson's, my cancer, our son's cancer and now my husband's PD...You asked how we get through t all...I honestly don't know...but, anger is only a small part of the equation. Once anyone faces his or her own mortality hearing, "You have cancer* or *Your son has testicular cancer and we are operating in the morning. You need to get here to help put his affairs in order.*, once you hear that, the rest of life and the problems seem minimal...that is, until you hear, "Jane, I have PD. We need to sit down NOW and make financial and health decisions before I no longer can." PHEW! I am not disparaging anyone else's journey, but facing so many problems either makes us stronger, or destroys us...You are a are stronger than you need to accept that there are things over which you have no control.

And, most importantly, you need to step back, relax, and do what makes YOU healthy and content...this PD journey is long and hard...and we all understand your angst...but, we know it is Parkinson's, not your husband, that is changing your life...lives. Hugs and good luck. Post often. You never have to agree with anyone's advice, but there are a great many wise people here who only want to help. Hugs, Jane

By Trusting On 2014.08.11 20:16
I understand your frustration b/c I've been there. Let's face it, even when you are feeling good it's hard to do 30 minutes of exercise every day so with our PWP feel so tired this is a real effort. His lack of motivation may be in part due to some depression. My husband with PD has said at times, "Why fight?" I really do understand. If this disease isn't curable, and only get's worse, then why fight? Now, you and I know that's not a good attitude so talk to his doctor and have a heart to heart with him. I can't even imagine having to take all the meds my husband takes. He is on 12 prescriptions and that doesn't count all the supplements he takes that are suggested for PD. Hang in there and understand that he can't help it. While on this journey take time to do something for yourself so you can continue to take care of him. Blessings to you.

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