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Topic Not a great night with agency caregiver Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By carman96 On 2014.09.10 12:38
All I wanted was 4 hours to go play Bunco with my group. I had great time and was gone less than 4 hours, getting home at 9 pm. The first words out of the lady from the agency's mouth was "you are a saint"
Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I guess he had her chasing him all over the property, got into both his tool sheds, almost both fell in the Koi pond, trying to plug in the golf cart (keys well hidden) etc. The worst part was he got into the gun safe and got out his 22 rifle and made her set up a target and shot it a couple times. Probably scared the sh@t out of her! I could've sworn that safe was locked, and he doesn't remember the combination!
That was in the first hour she was here.
The agency had promised they would find someone experienced and trained. Now I wonder if they will even dare to send someone else out.
It's so weird how he all of a sudden he can walk with his walker for a few hundred yards and back when he can barely make it from the chair to the bathroom most of the day.
So disappointed. I was hoping he would behave better with someone else than with me. No such luck.
Don't know what I'm going to do with him, but it's depressing just thinking about it.

By jaxrock On 2014.09.10 12:53
Don't get discouraged....there must be a better caregiver out there!!
She obviously didn't know how to handle the situation....
Keep looking...
Perhaps a man next time?
Good luck

By carman96 On 2014.09.10 19:22
Thanks Jaxrock. I called the agency and told her I needed someone that could be more firm with him. We'll see what happens next time.
I'm so depressed today I can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
I want to downsize and move somewhere manageable. It's just so overwhelming to even think about.
Hopefully I will have a better day tomorrow.

By jcoff012 On 2014.09.10 20:11
Carman, hang in there...we are here for you...

Carl's Mom had five different caregivers in the final stages of PD...One she liked, but the caregiver went back to school fulltime; the next two were not compatible according to her' the fourth was perfect, but was a young man and she didn't want a man' and the final one was my BIL, who has lived with them and unemployed for years...He did his best, but complained a lot...we all know why...

So, it seems that sometimes it takes awhile to find someone who pleases everyone...don't give up, it possible to either interview them or to spend some time with one before you leave?

Thinking of you....I am making Paw Patrol table decorations for the birthday party on Saturday and prepping for our trip. Hugs and hang in there. Jane

By carman96 On 2014.09.10 22:32
Thanks Jane. I feel a little better now, after a lemon drop martini, tacos and of course, now that he's asleep.
Hopefully we will both sleep well tonight.
What's paw patrol?

By jcoff012 On 2014.09.10 22:56
Paw Patrol is a Nick Jr. show with super hero, I thought everyone lived in a 5 year old's world! lolol

By umajane On 2014.09.10 23:52
I am so sorry Carman that you can a bad experience. When I hired my caregiver ( who by the way is not available for while) I met with her a few times at a coffee shop and stayed home with her at least 2-3 times. We all felt pretty comfortable after that. Just a thought.
You will find someone it just takes time. I am on the lookout too!!! My husband just went to bed. He was soooo tired but wouldn't budge. I almost threw him into bed because that is where he needs to be right now. Good luck in your search. You will find someone good.

By carman96 On 2014.09.11 10:19
Thanks umajane. The assessment lady that came from the agency promised all kinds of things. They charge 24 dollars an hour. I don't really feel like hanging out with them for that much. I guess they just sent out whoever was available.
I just feel totally trapped. No neighbors and hardly any visitors. Just need to get away once in awhile.

By carman96 On 2014.09.11 10:22
Jane, nobody is watching Nick Jr. here lately. Have fun with the party

By VioletV On 2014.09.11 17:45
I've had much the same struggle with caregivers. We did had someone wonderful who decided after a year to move to California (we're in Maine)!

We had a new agency caregiver arrive one day last month, and practically the first comment out of her mouth (after I'd left) was a highly charged political comment that seemed to originate in her assumptions about my ethnic background.
It was SO not appropriate with a person with Parkinson's, whom she didn't know at all, when she had no idea of his cognitive flexibility or emotional balance--and it wouldn't have been appropriate to come into anyone's home and start making loaded political comments.

I should in fact be at a meeting in NYC today, but couldn't go because my husband's first-choice caregiver was not available, and my 4am to midnight day-trips to New York just don't work unless he is comfortable.

One way I've handled being in the house while we test-drive a caregiver is to have a project that I just can't complete without someone else being with him (for me, it's writing), so that I'm in the house, but off the beaten track in the office, while my PWP husband and the caregiver get used to each other.

It's a moving target, finding and keeping caregivers.


By jcoff012 On 2014.09.11 18:28
I see all of this from both sides...caregiver and PWP's is easier for me to be a little more objective, because I worked in an assisted living with about twenty caregivers. Most were hardworking and loved the residents, but one or two were lazy and/or should not have been in that job! To be honest, caregivers are just like most of society; some do it because it is a calling and to others it is just a job.

That said, anyone here who hires a caregiver has a responsibility and the right to be active and comfortable with the hired caregiver. Do not permit someone to stay in your home if you simply don't feel they are the right fit. You are paying for their services and as such, you need to state upfront your expectations. And, you need to see that they are met, or ask for someone else...

Look at it from the PWPs point of view...this is someone new to him or her. This is someone who will be an intruder into his or her life until they become accepted as a necessity. Imagine YOU needing a caregiver...and think of how YOU would feel with someone you really don't know coming into your home and helping you dress, eat, bathe, even telling you what to do or watch on be honest, *I* wouldn't do well with a caregiver myself.

I fully realize that there comes a time when a hired caregiver is needed. However, try to be patient in your selection. One thing that hit home with me was that *I* loved the young man we hired to help Carl's Mom, but SHE didn' was upsetting to her to have him help her...then, we found the perfect was worth interviewing and trying out four others...this woman is still a family friend.

Again, please listen to your PWP. If he or she is NOT comfortable, give another person a try...BUT make SURE you tell the agency WHY the person isn't a good fit...After all, you are paying for services you need and expect you will be treated in a professional manner. All of this is from personal experience...hope it helps! Jane

By carman96 On 2014.09.12 10:45
thanks, Violet.
No caregiver should ever give political, religious, or that kind of comments. You would think they would be trained not to. At least I don't have to work, that would be much more difficult.
Jane, my husband actually thought it was great to have company. The caregiver wasn't lazy but wasn't in the best shape either. She's probably good with an elderly person without dementia. My husband just had her chasing after him. Funny how he could have all that energy after dinner, when he usually just watches tv and goes to bed earlier.
I told the women at the agency that I needed someone who could be a little more firm with him. Dont know if thats the right word, but we will see what happens next time.
We also had a similar problem with my mother in law and caregivers. Of course her daughters took care of any problems, so I wasn't directly involved. She had one she really liked, but the daughters thought she was dishonest and fired her. She ended up with a great caregiver but my mother in law was sometimes mean to her.
The caregiver was a very nice lady and did everything for her.My mother in law could be quite demanding. She did become a friend to the family. She was my age and unfortunately she passed away from cancer about 2 years after my mother in law died. We all went to her funeral. It was sad because she was only in her late 50s.
would love to find a caregiver like that sweet woman.

By jcoff012 On 2014.09.12 13:55
Carman, I hope you find someone soon. You know I am not being critical of anyone on here, or caregivers in general...I just cannot imagine needing or wanting one for myself...although most are wonderful...just may not be the right fit...Good luck!

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