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Topic Why US? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.13 16:45
In times of quiet, do you often ask the question, "Why US?" Not excluding, "Why me?", but focusing on the "us"?

I have been asking this silent question for a long time now, and for us, there seems to be no answer, no consolation. We have always faced problems head-on, but when there doesn't seem to be answer, facing the future and living with the present seem unfathomable. We are strong people separately, and even stronger as a team together.

However, as most everyone on this board knows, the "together" isn't always possible, or even wanted, when PD is involved. Many times we face the truths alone, late at night, in the dark. Or, our PWP fights internally with battles we cannot imagine or solve.

It is then, that the "Whys" creep in.

This isn't the life we had planned for either of us or for our family. Why are we not able to travel as much, love like we once did, enjoy long, thought-provoking conversations, hug each other with the lingering heartwarming passion we often did daily? Why is this happening to us? We are good, decent people who never hurt anyone, give to a multitude of charities to help others, take care of our family members, and have never asked the government for any type of assistance.
So, shouldn't our future be bright and full of pleasantries? Why us? What brought this horrible disease into our lives?

If you are honest, you, too, must have asked why more than once. Selfishly, I cannot find an answer, so I keep asking it over and over.

But, when I get down (and, yes, I do get down over this disease's progression), somehow I always pull myself up. After moments of self pity, I find the deepest love that cannot be taken from us, and focus on the hope for a cure...soon! I don't want another medication, I want scientists to tell me WHY there IS Parkinson's and how they can stop it and eradicate!

Yet, there it is again...why us? Until scientists can tell us the reason our PWP must suffer, the other half of the "us" will not know the answer to "why"...and we all want to know why this is happening to our PWP, and ultimately us. We are united in fighting this PD; we know the PWP fights with us and fights alone; but, we want the "us" back that we all once had. Life isn't fair, even if we want it to be that way...But until PD is a thing of the past, we must rise above that question and go on..."us" together.

With love and joy to all of you, Jane

..not meant to be a downer, I just really want to know the answer, but know I may never know...

By Lynnie2 On 2014.10.13 18:55
I feel the isn't the same as it was seven years ago for us.

I would like answer too but we'll probably never know.

The only thing about PD is that it's a slow progression, unlike cancer which takes a life faster in most cases.
We just have to take one day at a time and try not to think of the future.

By Mary556 On 2014.10.13 19:44
Yes. My Mom asked me recently, "What did I do to deserve this?"
Hard questions.

By dans316 On 2014.10.13 21:33
I too often ask that question, but maybe it's just as well I don't get an answer. It's been a little over a year since June lost her ability to walk and now requires a wheel chair, more and more she needs help to eat, and with the loss of mobility became incontinent. In all that time, I've never heard her ask that question or even complain. She shows no emotion other than maybe a smile all too infrequently. Wednesday she goes for new dentures, so hopefully they will help reverse the weight loss, nothing else seems to work.

Me Ke Aloha

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.13 22:29
I am constantly amazed that our PWPs seem to accept PD better than we do...Carl says, "It is what it is." Never has HE said, "It isn't as we planned..." He may think it, but so far he is is I who is the one who questions and rants against PD.

I do accept what is happening and I know what is coming, as does he. But, this man I love is one in a million and deserves a better ending to a life well lived.

One time, because his Mom had PD, he did say, "At least if I get it, maybe it will skip over the rest of the family." Talk about crying...Here he is, facing his own mortality and all he thought of was the family...

Yes, back to the original question...I cannot help but ask why...and, as Dan said, know that maybe it is just as well we don't get the answer. Always, Jane

By lurkingforacure On 2014.10.13 23:28
I first read the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" when a dear friend, one of the best people I will ever have the privilege of knowing, died of cancer. It is a good book, written by a rabbi whose son had the early-aging disease, I don't recall the name of it, and died in his teens. He asks this question and more in the book, given that he had dedicated his life to God and serving others.

The book is his answer to the "why" question, and more, and was quite helpful to me. I'm not going to share what I got out of it, as I don't want to bias anyone's reading of it or spoil it for anyone. But I am glad I read it. I have re-read it several times, too.

By Freespirit On 2014.10.14 08:39
I don't ask "why us" or "why me."

The reason being is because I try not to take my husband getting PD personally. My feeling is that each of us will pass away from something. No one is exempt. Why not me? There are millions and millions of other people who are suffering and who have suffered as my husband has/is. There are millions who have suffered more deeply than my husband and I have. People suffer and die from many horrible diseases. Good people. And it will always be that way.
It doesn't mean that I don't feel tough about it. I'm in the crucible of my life, but so are many, many others. Even if people don't have a physical illness, many suffer from emotional pain that is not always readily seen.

I guess it's all relative.

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.14 16:28
Thank you all for responding, as I agree with all of you. We all have one thing in one gets out of this life alive!

Everyone has trials to face, joys in which to relish...we truly have no idea what it is like to walk in another's shoes. But, we definitely are lucky to have friends along the way.

By SparkysGal On 2014.10.15 14:50
I agree with Freespirit. I learned a while back not to ask "why me?" or "why us?" but "why not me?" What makes me/us so special that nothing bad should ever happen to us. We all have to deal with something and often multiple things. I try not to get too down, and I try to live in the moment and not fret over the future. I do try to plan for the worst and pray for the best. My faith sustains me. I don't know why my husband has PD and I don't know what grand purpose it serves but someday I hope to see the other side of the tapestry and "get it" finally. With all that said, some days just plan suck and it's nice to meet with people here who understand what living PD is like and the toll it takes on every part of our lives.

By umajane On 2014.10.15 16:37
I also agree with Freespirit. I am so grateful that my husband and I have had great health. He is 74 and I am 75. He was diagnosed about 3 years ago and is still doing OK. We do not know what will be our undoing...every day is precious and lucky. At our age anything can happen.
With that said this disease has robbed both of us of our later retirement years and socializing. My husband likes to stay home as everything is easier and safer here. He gets embarrassed in a restaurant and it can be difficult. I am ready to go go. So we are making adjustments and I am lowering my expectations. It's lonely, sad and I get much angrier than he does. The worst for my husband has been giving up driving which he did about 2 months ago...otherwise he is pretty calm about the whole thing. Keeping things calm and scheduled are best for both of us.

By parkinit On 2014.10.20 13:40
Freespirit answered exactly what I was thinking. What I ask myself more than "Why me or why us," is "What am I supposed to learn from this?" "What is my lesson?" "How can I grow from this?"

Not one of is immune from life's tragedies and travesties.

Good Christian kids coming home from a church function . . . four dead Christian kids in a car accident. NOT FAIR or LIFE?

Neighbor whose wife he was a caregiver for . . . her pacemaker constantly "shocking" her back to life over a several month period with routine visits from the ambulance. Death for her, remarriage for him a year later. Yeah! I thought. He lost his second wife to Alzheimer's within a few years after he remarried and now he has Alzheimer's. NOT FAIR or LIFE?

Oklahoma University son kills his parents and sister hoping to glean his "inheritance" early as he has a penchant for the "good life." NOT FAIR or LIFE?

Man loses mother, father, mother-in-law father-in-law, wife, and family pet while suffering from kidney stones in an 18 month period. Then he gets Parkinson's Disease. NOT FAIR or LIFE? (This was my husband."

These are tough situations and we are in tough situations with PD, but life happens and I choose to try to learn from it, be more sensitive to others because of what I'm learning and not to ask "Why me?" As you take this journey, you may think that you have less and less to be thankful for, but each day is a gift from God.

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.20 13:49
As I sit here waiting to call in for jury duty, I read your response, Park, and you are 100 percent correct...onward and is just! Today is my eighth year cancer free...let's all celebrate! Love to all!

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