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By gram2 On 2014.10.16 17:54
A recent post on another thread asked about Day Care sources for a husband with no one but his wife to talk to. That could have been written by me. How do you find companionship for a PK person? The only daycare facilities in my area have the typical bingo/crafts/yoga exercises stuff that bores most men silly. Guys want to sit around with other guys and talk sports or the stock market or politics or the lousy state of the world. Has anyone found anything like that?

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.16 22:43
When I was in training to be an Activity Director for an assisted living, part of the training was in adult day care at several facilities. First, to take part in one, a doctor had to recommend placement, mainly because of the level of care needed,i.e., incontinence, etc. The three facilities to which I was assigned were staffed from 9 AM to noon for the morning session and then again from 1 to 4 PM.

As I said, the person needing services was recommended by his physician, so I would suggest you try there first. If you want to do this alone, there are several agencies (ex. Council on Aging) which provide help. Another good resource is a local assisted living...seriously...the staff is very accommodating to the public and would gladly give you names of good places.

Once you find one or two, go visit...drop in...We always told prospective residents that the best way to see what a facility is really like was to drop in unexpectedly! A reputable place will have NO problem with you dropping in.

Remember, too, that you have the option of seeking referrals from your place of worship.

Also, remember that the first place may not be a good fit, be willing to try again. Good luck...there are many great places with dedicated staff who understand the unique problems of men patients.

By gram2 On 2014.10.18 18:21
Thanks for your response but – as usual – I didn’t give enough info. I was responding to a post by someone on another thread . I can no longer remember who it was or which thread so you know I am a typical caretaker whose brains have turned to mush. That person lived in a RURAL area – as I do – where there is literally no one except me for hubby to talk to or interact with. Unfortunately we seem to have outlived most of our friends. We do have the typical DayCare facility in the area and that is it. Yes, I can go through all the gyrations of getting him into the car and driving him someplace like a mall where he can use an electric cart to wheel himself around. But that is not social interaction. From the lack of response to this, I have to assume that most PWP live in urban or well populated suburban areas where social contacts with peers is not a problem.

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.18 19:11
Gram, I feel for you...we live in a very tiny town which is 30 miles from signs of life! We have one bank, three restaurants (laughably, one is Mc Donald' get the idea...

My husband is just starting stage two (sorry Al, not sure how else to say it), so he is still able to drive, etc...he is a very quiet person who enjoys being fact, he told me at lunch today he wouldn'T do well in an assisted living...I guess I need to outlive him for sure now!

Anyhow, good luck...know that there are lots of us far from services...I guess we are basically on our own...

By bksquared On 2014.10.19 02:08
The day care question might have been in one of my posts. I live in a rural part of NJ. Yes not all parts of NJ are like the Sopranos. Assisted living is a 30 min drive. The people there are not high functioning like my PD husband. There is a local nutrition center, but it only offers a hot meal and bingo. When we visited he looked at me and said, "You have got to be kidding. Just who do you think I could talk to here." I had to agree most of the people had 10-15 years on us and were not interacting with each other. The more able seniors were not in evidence. So he is back to wandering the house, sitting in front of the computer until frustrated, or being my shadow. All the idle time allows him to have anxiety and catastrophic thinking fill his mind. He is not able to drive without enormous anxiety, so he will sometimes drive the 2 miles to drugstore, gas station, and bank that comprise our town. Truly I feel on my own.

By gram2 On 2014.10.19 11:30
Well, I guess there is comfort in knowing there are others in the same boat. I suspect that with the huge aging baby boomer population we will soon see more programs geared to men's interests. Unfortunately we seem to have come to the party too early. I am eternally grateful for the mixed blessings of television but mourn the lack of human interaction with his peer group.

By kkoschemann On 2014.10.20 18:08
My thought (like you don't have enough other things to do as a caregiver) - start a group around your PWP loves. Many of you say it is a male - how about once a week poker, fantasy football, superbowl party, bridge, bingo, walk/workout at the highschool, dominos, bunco, fishing tournament, etc.

Work through church, veterans group, home health agency, maybe local doctor or county medical society will help you organize. Also great project for scout troop or highschool honor society candidates looking for community project.

Put add in local paper. I know my mom's small town paper (under 500 population) has a "all about town" section where members of the community share happenings.

Start with this common interest - and that will evolve into friendships

Sorry - maybe wistful thinking on my part - but that's how I would approach it.

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