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By VioletV On 2014.10.18 17:27
Hi all,

I've made a mistake and I have to work my my way through it, and I just need to have some other wise eyes (um, eyes of some other wise people) on this.

Anyway. In my previous life, before marrying my husband, in addition to my professional life, I was a semi-professional actress - doing community and small parts in professional theater. I loved it, though I haven't thought about it much in recent years-- was a part of my past, as riding and playing piano are a part of my husband's past.

Well. Today we talked about going to a performance at a respected community theater here in our new town/state. The daughter of one of his caregivers has a role, and we thought we'd go to see it. In looking at the website, and figuring out tickets, I saw the "audition notices/audition results" link, and clicked it, mostly thinking about seeing the daughter's name in the audition results (although, seems my unconscious may have been at work as well.).

So, turns out that on Monday (MONDAY -- 2 days from now!) they are auditioning a play that has 9 roles for women "of a certain age." It is just my kind of thing, I'd feel that I'd have a good shot at it. And now, I've got the bug again. Bad.

I've told myself to stop thinking about it until tomorrow morning once I post this--just to give me some breathing room. I am pretty sure that my answer is that I won't audition, since the time commitment (a 3 week run, and a probably packed rehearsal schedule between now and January) is out of the question with my responsibilities to my husband.

My mistake was even looking at an audition notice. I already routinely turn down offers of professional speaking/consulting gigs that take me away overnight, and most of the ones involving a day trip to NYC and DC.


I have to find my way to being really settled and OK with the not-audition decision, and that leads to


Should I bring it up with my PWP husband, and involve him in the working-through of this? Or is that just entirely unfair to him? Or is it unfair to him to leave him out of the thinking, working-through? Unless he's really tired he's cognitively fine -- offers good legal-related advice, thinking through my daughter and son-in-laws planning to finance buying a new house, etc.

I'm a big girl, and I know that a don't-audition decision won't lead me to feelings of crankiness or resentment. But part of me is hoping (deep down inside) that he would say -- "you'd enjoy it so much, and we have good caregiver support, go ahead.")

What do I do??? Wisdom please.


By ResistanceFutil On 2014.10.18 17:56
I have no wisdom to offer, but I certainly hope you go for it! And, yes, talk to your husband about it prior to making the decision, but first make sure you will have a caregiver to be with your husband during rehearsals, performances, etc. He may enjoy attending some rehearsals as well - and possibly that can be discussed at the audition?

Follow your bliss - it will be good for you both!

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.18 19:18
I agree! Go for it, theses opportunities may not come again anytime soon.

I also agree that making certain your husband will have competent care will ease your mind. I also feel he needs to know about it and talk it through...If he didn't have PD you, do it now...include him in your excitement...

Let us know if you get a part! Good luck!

By umajane On 2014.10.18 19:47
DO IT DO IT!!!!! You have to live too. This sounds so wonderful. I am sure your husband will understand and it is only for a few weeks.
I recently joined a choir...we rehearsed once a week for 9 weeks and my husband came to see me sing. Best of luck!!!

By makrivah On 2014.10.19 00:07
Go for it! Involve your husband as he is able. You will be happier, and if your happy, he'll be happy.

By Dazedandconfuse On 2014.10.19 08:11
Absolutely do it!!! I agree with the other posters. As long as your husband has competent care and support, I would absolutely pursue this. As far as making your husband part of the "working through the decision process", I would be more inclined to tell him that everything is in place for his support and care and you really need to do this for YOU. If he is the wonderful man that I'm sure he is, he'll agree that it's a fabulous idea. Personally, I wouldn't lean toward the option of giving him a vote in the off chance he'd say he's uncomfortable with the whole idea. Being a caregiver and if you're like me, I know that you'd scrap the whole thing. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish. You need to do this!!! Just my 2 cents.

By jaxrock On 2014.10.19 11:45
If it were me, I'd definitely do it....
to repeat what has been posted, if I'm happy, my husband is happy......
He loves to see me "live life".
He especially loves anything creative that I accomplish.
Go for it!
And good luck....(Break a Leg!!)

By moonswife On 2014.10.19 12:38
Violet, Liken your decision to the commercial about returning to college to get a degree even at 50.
If you do not do it, next year you will be a year older, and it is much less likely you will be able to do it, or even have the opportunity.
Ask Hubby? No, tell Hubby that you need to make some time adjustments because you are going to do something you have always wanted to do and may need some support friends to help you make it happen. Then ask Hubby what you should cook in advance so he can have his favorite meal or snack while you are rehearsing. And, BTW....where can we see you perform?

By parkinit On 2014.10.20 13:44
You are still alive. Live!

However, I agree that you need to ensure you have your husband covered with caregivers and not leave him to fend for himself if you wouldn't normally. You still have duties and obligations to your spouse, but you still have to live your life.

Break a leg!

By Lynnie2 On 2014.10.20 14:49
You need to have a life too, even though you are a caregiver to your husband. We seem to live our lives around our husband, at least I do and I also need an outlet.
His isn't going to get better as we know, so now when he is at the stage where he isn't too bad, then it's a good opportunity for you.
If you have someone to help at this point, then it all the better.
I would only do it one time though unless it was a shorter time. See how things go and if you get a part, then it will possibly satisfy your desire to act again.
Good luck if you decide to go ahead and I know you husband will be very proud of you.

By VioletV On 2014.10.20 17:10

Thank you all so very much. I truly was hoping to get your help in being OK with not auditioning, but with your encouragement I did discuss with my husband, and he is OK with my auditioning. Helped me to run lines and all. I actually think he would enjoy working with me on this kind of project, as he used to help me with lines, accents etc.

So I am off in about an hour to audition for Calendar Girls -- a play about 11 women *of a certain age* who find an unusual way to raise money for their church. I'll let you all know how it goes.

How good to have a village!

Thanks again,


By jaxrock On 2014.10.20 17:17
What wonderful made my day!!

By makrivah On 2014.10.20 23:22
I've got my fingers crossed for you!

By umajane On 2014.10.21 00:03
That is fantastic. Enjoy the experience. Good Luck!!!

By VioletV On 2014.10.21 19:39
Thanks again to you all,
I did go to the audition--there were lots of very good actresses there--for 9 female parts. Don't know if I'm the right 'type,' so despite feeling good about my audition, don't expect to get a role.

And, that is fine. I've always taken the attitude with auditions that you go, give it your best shot, and know that casting decisions involve many things other than whether the director "liked" you.

It was fun, reminded me of the satisfaction, and the frustration (cold rehearsal spaces, lots and lots of waiting, other actors who are SO self-important) of being in plays.

It was a wonderful break.


By JulieB On 2014.10.24 09:32
Violet, Following this thread just made me happy. I loved how you brought your thoughts and dreams here and asked for quick feedback, which was given...what a caring community. Even if you don't get the part you auditioned for in this play, I wonder if this might have opened a door of sorts to make way for something else in the future? My middle daughter is a very active actress in our local community theater, and watching her year after year has made me wonder if someday I'll audition. I can't imagine it at all -- this would not be me and I don't have an able acting bone in my body, but it seems like it would be such a stretching, growing experience. I hope you get a chance to do this again Violet! xoxo

By VioletV On 2014.10.24 10:21
Thank you!!

I got the news yesterday that I did not get the part, but tant pis.

The way I have kept going out there is to know that I only have control over the quality of my performance, and no control at all over the casting directors' decisions. That way there is no angst and I always know what to do--to give it my best.

It was fun, and I suspect that I will go out for something again if the opportunity presents itself.


By jaxrock On 2014.10.24 12:25
One thing to remember, Violet
Every audition is a free acting class....
You'll be out there again, I'm sure..

By jcoff012 On 2014.10.24 22:59
I am sorry you didn't get the part, but what a ride! Good for you for stepping up! Here's to the next one!

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