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Topic It's so hard on our kids:( Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By lurkingforacure On 2014.12.05 12:49
We had a first the other day. My husband was with our youngest at home, and called me to find out when I would be home and to give me a "heads up" that when I got home, to expect things to be bad because he and our youngest had gotten into a disagreement.

Apparently our youngest had wanted to use the computer, which is allowed, but my husband wanted to use it instead, and they got into a discussion about who should use it and why (to be fair, our youngest can really wear you down in this way, so I get the frustration), and my husband ended up telling our youngest "shut up" and walking out of the room. I still cannot believe he said this to anyone, much less one of our kids.

So when I got home I had to tell my husband that our youngest now will act likewise, and to not be surprised if he is told to "shut up" at some point.

Then I had to do damage control with our youngest, and explain that telling someone to "shut up" is NOT how you have a conversation or try to resolve anything. That was a fun conversation, not, and exhausting.

Since this incident, our youngest has avoided dad (following me around the house which his annoying in and of itself because I never get a break or have any privacy), had minimal conversation, and I've seen some eye-rolling and head-shaking as the frustration level and pent-up anger take their toll.

My husband, for his part, is still angry that he was even put in the position of having to debate who got to use the computer in the first place (welcome to parenthood: a constant debate over boundaries, right?).

I don't really know what to do except keep telling them their daddy is sick and we need to be patient, loving, understanding, compassionate, etc. They have heard me say umpteen times that daddy would give anything to not have PD. Is there anything else I could be doing to help them?

By Freespirit On 2014.12.05 13:46
You ARE asking for opinions, right? :)

It sounds like Dad is being called out, but what about your son? Is there any accountabilty for his actions as well? Your husband should be given a place of honor and respect. In my opinion, there should have been no question or debate as to who would use the computer. Your concern is that now your son may tell someone else to "shut up," but the bigger concern may be that he already does not respect authority.

I'm certainly no authority, but that's how I see it.

By JulieB On 2014.12.05 17:48
Lurking, my heart goes out to you. It's hard enough for an older couple to deal with PD, but with children in the home and all that entails, that must be a very heavy burden. Love, respect and patience are the answers, but it's hard in the best of times to truly live what we know! I know I fall short too often. Praying for you and your family and sending a hug tonight.... xoxo

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