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Topic Angry phase? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By lurkingforacure On 2015.01.01 14:11
We seem to have entered a twilight zone of anger and I don't know what to do. My PD husband is grumpy, slams doors, stomps around the house, won't speak to our kids, only speaks to me if forced, it's awful. Our kids, who should be enjoying their time off from school, don't want to be at home with him. We had several tearful episodes at Christmas which was sad for me as a mom because that will be what our kids remember instead of the fun family/holiday time I tried so hard to make it.

Our kids are pretty understanding, and I am becoming increasingly frustrated that my husband seems to be making things harder on them than they need to be. He expects them (and me, because I have to drive them everywhere) to stay home with him, because he doesn't want to go do the things they want and sometimes have to do. But that isn't fair to them. If he does go with us, his attitude is so bad lately that it ruins things.

And yet, if it is something he wants to do, no problem. Our oldest pointed out that her dad would not drive one mile to his family's reunion recently (hundreds of miles away, which I drove), but as soon as we got home, he called up a friend and drove himself to lunch and back. Grrrrr.

I am wondering if my husband is in some angry phase of PD, and if so, what I can do about it. I have tried to get him to live each day as fully as he can, to see the joy in being alive and in his children's accomplishments, but he just gets mad at me. I do a lot of research about PD and tell him all of the promising things I read, but he always tells me it will take too long, won't be on the market in time for him, side effects aren't worth it, etc. and etc.

I know apathy is a big part of PD, yet it doesn't seem to keep him from doing what he wants. Our kids have told me daddy doesn't love them and I find myself in the middle of an impossible situation, trying to convince them that he does love them, and telling him that he needs to tell them he loves them as well as show them that he loves them (never happens, though).

Anyone deal with an angry attitude like this? I know many here are dealing with much worse, so please no offense if I am venting about trivial problems in comparison.

By mylove On 2015.01.01 21:30
We are there too. It's two sided - he comes pre-primed to be angry, and then the kids push his buttons knowing it upsets him.

Mine is angry most of the time because he can't do what he wants to...what he expects from himself. And like yours, mine despairs of anything getting better. He feels crappy 24/7, and nothing helps it. There is no magic pill. He's waiting to die, and doesn't like it. Who would?

And then, to top it all off, the kids are home for the holidays, in your hair all day long with no respite, disrupting the house routine. And routine is the only way PWPs can stay leveled, or hope to. And then before too long, any pleasure he might have gotten from their company is trumped by the discomfort of having the sound and the action and the forced social interaction and he retreats to his hideaway before he gets too angry and blows up. He knows it isn't their fault for being young but the truth us we just can't take that for very long anymore.

It was ESPECIALLY bad when we had the grand kids....1, 4, and 7 years old make a LOT of chaos in their wake. I solve it by running interference and letting him retreat, and encouraging him to interact in small bites. I will say, though, after about two days he's not capable of that anymore because his tolerance is worn out.

Yes...anger. It's hard to face out of those who were so peaceful and easy before. :(

By carman96 On 2015.01.01 22:31
My husband isn't mad all the time, but has angry outbursts aimed at me. He's always trying to do things that are dangerous, and is frustrated he can't do anything he used to do.
His dementia is getting bad, so that is a huge problem.
Sorry I don't have any answers as to what to do about it, but is anyone has any answers I'd be happy to hear them.

By Annieb On 2015.03.30 01:05
Something you my wish to try is the Bach Flower Remedy "Holly". Its is the flower essence for anger, hatred, jealousy, suspicion. They recommend 4 drops at least four times a day. It is all natural, no side effects, not habit forming. It can be placed in their water, food, or anything they may be drinking. You will notice he will gradually begin to respond with less and less anger. The remedies were developed over 80 years ago by a medical doctor in England when he found that unless his patients changed how they felt about life or themselves, they never really got well. As to the dementia, it points to them not being in the present moment. While the remedies are not a cure for disease, I have been using "Clematis" with my husband with very good results. You can find both at

By HangingOn On 2015.04.05 08:52
We went through an awful stretch of sheer anger and hatefulness. I never knew if just the simple things would send him into a rage and I mean rage. Part of it the doctors attributed it to Ropinirole. They cut back his dosage by a lot and it got better. I am noticing now his mood is again at times anger at things that shouldn't. But if your PWP is on Ropinirole check with the doctor, this could be a factor.

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