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Topic I am starting to think that I am the only Man here. Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By ElRusso On 2015.04.13 15:20
I am starting to think that I am the only Man who is a primary care giver to my brother. It seems like all the caregivers are wives or daughters. I know that you lovely ladies outlive us guys, but surely I cannot be the only guy who is in this position.
My daughter helps when can and I understand that its hard when she has her husband and issues to deal with. I appreciate all she can and does do. I have been taking care of my brother for over 5 years and lately its been really getting to me.
i get angry alot and wonder why me. Its good to read all your posts, but sometimes I cant relate. Is there anyone out there who is in the same boat???

By lurkingforacure On 2015.04.13 18:13
I'm not in your shoes but just wanted to say what a great brother you are, and also to encourage you to get some help. You have got to get a break or you will not be able to be a good caregiver to your brother. Easier said than done, I know, but critical.

There are several posts here by caregivers who have managed to get a break, even a small one, and how much that has helped them. Even better, regularly scheduled breaks, so that you have some down time to look forward to.

By umajane On 2015.04.13 19:33
We all get angry male or female..take good care of yourself. You are a wonderful brother.

By brainstorm On 2015.04.13 19:36
I (daughter) took care of my mother for over 15 years and she was in a wheelchair due to her PD. Sure, I had brothers and a sister, but none helped let alone call or communicate in any way. It is very difficult caring for someone frail through no fault of their own but also watch your own life go down the toilet because you love them and want to give them the best care and make their lives more bearable.

In my case, facilities were not an option because my mother did not speak English, and culturally would have been difficult for her to be in a facility due to her dietary needs, etc. So I had no option but to take care of her in our home. I shed many tears, asked the same why me question, was angry at my siblings and still am, for they could have made our lives a little easier if they cared to, by providing me with some respite for a weekend to get away, but it never happened.

People would always tell me, that I will be blessed by God and go straight to heaven, etc. but I did not care about that. I did not take care of her to get any accolades, but because it was a necessity and did it simply because I loved her so much that I was willing to do anything to make her last years easier and ultimately it was the humane thing to do.

If there is anyone else who can and wants to give you a small break, do not be shy about asking for help. If you can afford to get some in home care so that you get get out, then do so. Again, it is easy to say, take time for yourself, but much harder to do when someone is completely dependent on you. If your brother qualifies for Medicaid, look into a long term in home care program that your state may be offering, where they provide help for a certain number of hours a week.

This horrendous disease steals people's lives and not just that of the one afflicted, but the caregiver's too. I wish I could offer you something more positive. Stay strong, but take care of yourself too.

By mylove On 2015.04.13 21:23
There is another male caregiver here, though his PWP is his wife. Dan? Are you around?

By ElRusso On 2015.04.13 22:00
Hi Dan. Yes I am. I am getting a bit of a break tonight my daughter is over helping out with my brother. It does seem like we are a bit of a minority in the caregiver role.
It is good to hear that I am not the only one. I feel for you, I am good friends with both my ex-wives. And each one of them has their own health issues. Life can be really hard at time.

By dans316 On 2015.04.14 06:09
There are a few other male caregivers on this forum which I guess is not too surprising as PD strikes twice as many men as women. Also another guess is that possibly the "macho" factor discourages the men from joining these forums.

Here in Lancaster Pa, just recently there was a Care Giver's Day run by one of the Catholic organizations. Last year they also had one and it was for women only, but apparently some of the male caregivers felt left out and complained so this year they included men.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

Me Ke Aloha,
Dan

By ElRusso On 2015.04.14 22:18
That's not hard to believe, the "macho" factor does get in the way at times. But it is great to hear that I am not alone. I certainly don't wish the situation or PD or anyone, but there is certainly comfort in knowing there are others in similar situation.
I wish you all and your loved ones the best.

By trapper On 2015.04.17 21:53
ELRusso:

No, you are not alone> I am a caregiver for my wife with Parkinsons. She was diagnosed about 10 years ago. I am having a difficult time being a caregiver as the disease progresses. Also, I have been diagnosed as having Parkinsons as well --- a couple of years ago.

I am 79 and my wife is 75 and we both have a difficult time. We are in Assisted Living Accommodation here in Manitoba Canada and have Home - Care come in daily. But frankly, Personal Care may be needed in near future --- depends on how things go.

Getting old aint for sissies!

By CYOU On 2015.05.25 08:45
Elrusso, now that I've signed up this morning...you certainly aren't the only man here. I'm a newb at all of this. Wife diagnosed young onset 4 years ago at 46 yrs old. I'm struggling like crazy and am not too macho to say how I feel.

I'm going to lurk around these boards a bit to become more familiar

By Mary556 On 2015.05.26 22:53
Peace be with you, CYOU. It is good that you are here. There are many good people at this forum who will offer their support and try to answer any questions you may have. I've learned a lot by following the conversations and by searching the archives when I want to know more about something in particular. My Mom is our loved one who has PD, but she was much older at onset than your wife is now.
I hope amidst the struggles there also will be blessings for you and your dear one.

By dageez On 2015.09.09 17:48
I, too, take care of my lady/wife. I don't get much time here because I am either caring for her or doing the "must do" things.
It's all worth it tho', when she smiles at me.


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