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Topic How much is too much? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2015.05.23 18:12
In the last six months, we have flown back to Ohio from California...once for my Mom's funeral in March. He also has booked a week in Las Vegas in two weeks for our 48th anniversary. Also two weeks in September to Maui and Oahu...he is nuts!

But, even with all of that, real problems are emerging...I am restricted to not driving for several months because of problems with my eyes...the severe anemia associated with the cancer has weakened my eyes...couple that with damage caused by the high blood sugar, and I now have blood behind my eyes and thick cataracts...So, this week I started getting shots of Avastin in the center of my eyes and will have surgeries on both eyes. We live in the boonies, so Carl will have to drive, wait for two hours or more for each treatment twice a month, then drive home. It struck me this morning that *I* am supposed to be taking care of him!

I have noticed that all of this stress is causing his tremors to ramp up, he is thrashing rather violently in his sleep, and because he is worried and tired, he is irritable.

How should I handle all of this...I have no choice but to trek the 37 miles one way to the doctor, and it means HE has to drive. Is this too much stress for a PWP? You know I have said he is highly functional, but I worry this added burden will hurt his emotional health, as well as his PD health. We have always been openly honest with each other, but should I downplay my fears and anxieties? I never want to make his PD journey harder, but there really is no way out for months...

By carman96 On 2015.05.24 07:24
So sorry Jane. I don't know what we would do if I couldn't drive. When can you have the surgery? That should really help.
Last year I had several trips that we went on during the summer. My husband ended up with UTI. I think I exhausted him by going so many places in a short time.

By ResistanceFutil On 2015.05.24 09:39
We (I) cancelled our trip we had planned to Europe this summer. Traveling and new surroundings seem to worsen symptoms in my husband, who is high functioning, still drives, etc. I would be concerned about the extreme stimulation in LV if you will be staying in a casino/resort. I don't know it for a fact, but I can't imagine my husband being comfortable with the purposeful sensory overload that I've always experienced in LV. A quieter destination maybe?

Sorry to hear of your own health problems. You've managed so many things that weren't asked for over the years. My opinion is that you owe it to yourself and your husband to be honest about what will make things easiest for you. Sometimes just the thought of a trip in the future is enough to color the present. What's optional and what's unavoidable?

By jaxrock On 2015.05.24 10:03
Another post that hits me right between the eyes.....What to do? Don't know...
Is there no other way to get to your doctors? No shuttle service? No taxi? I would consider those options before anything else...Of course, my husband hasn't driven in years, so my situation is a bit different. I would find some way to get there other than having your husband drive...Our insurance company actually has a provision for this type of situation...You might check yours. Help may be closer than you think. Our city also has transportation available for these type of things. You might check it out...And, ask you doctor's office, too.
AND, traveling...ohboy...I've been thinking of a cruise in France - with friends - next spring...Your posts make me think twice if not three times about these plans...whoa!
Our 21-year old grandson is now living with us...helps whenever needed...I don't know how I did all of these things on my own for so long....
We caregivers MUST get all the help we possibly can for all situations. I had no idea how much stress I was under until our grandson came and "saved the day"...
Make your lives as easy as possible...yes, use taxis..use neighbors who are willing to help, but, We can't do it all on our own!
Good luck and keep us apprised of what you find out....

By LOHENGR1N On 2015.05.24 11:09
Jane, try the red cross in our area they provide transportation to doctors or hospitals when needed. Also you could try putting it up on a bulletin board at Your church? A senior center might help to sometimes there are healthy retirees who are just hanging around wishing to be useful again. Checkout the options My Friend.

By jcoff012 On 2015.05.24 16:20
Good suggestions...but, my bigger problem is Carl...HE will take me...HE wants to plan trips, etc...he keeps spending money on first class and on vacation club rentals so we will have a washer and dryer and be able to eat breakfast and lunch without going out...

As for other ways to get there...biggest problem is that the few services we have only go 20 miles one way...the doctors are in Santa Rosa...37+ miles one way...cannot even imagine the cost of a cab!

I will look into the Senior a Center, Al...

As for traveling and going to Las Vegas...the main reason is to see "Jersey Boys" live. He tries so hard to maintain a normal life...and, face it....the main reason we picked this house and neighborhood was to get away from the cities and services we now need!

Isn't life odd? When we are young, we don't have the money to do all we want...but, now with careful planning, we are more than solvent and health issues are paramount! Such is life...we just keep on truck in'. Lol

By Mary556 On 2015.05.24 21:02
Jane, I wonder if American Cancer Society might know of someone to help you with rides. They have some wonderful volunteers who drive patients to appointments. Your treatment is not technically for cancer, but since your vision problem is a side effect, maybe you would qualify?
Best wishes and prayers for you and Carl.

By VioletV On 2015.06.01 11:43
I may have a resource for you. How can I send a PM?

By jcoff012 On 2015.06.01 14:19
Violet, I appreciate your loving and kind response, but we have already accepted help from our neighbor...actually, two of them. It seems that all we have to do is let people know they can help, and someone steps up...I didn't want to bother anyone, but it was put to me...."Aren't you the ones who always help us? NOW, we can offer a small form of payback...we will just sit with Carl or we can go shopping in Santa Rosa." Made me cry. As did your offer to help. Bless your kind heart. Thank you.

Remember, friends, even if you don't directly ask for it, most likely there are those who will help when they see a need. All we have to do is accept the offer...with the love and compassion from which it is given. Hugs to everyone, and, again, thank you, Violet...

By carman96 On 2015.06.04 23:48
So nice to have such kind neighbors. Hope your treatment goes well and you can be back to driving soon.

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