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Topic Do you discuss death or do you avoid it? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2016.01.07 19:50
A general question...do you in any way monitor the subject of death, be it friend or family? It seems we have had yet another death with which to deal. Our fantastic neighbor will die tonight, so we went next door to say good bye, and Carl came home EXTREMELY sad...he keeps saying, "He always came back, Jane. It gave me hope. Reality is a burden for the ones left behind.."

With a year of sadness behind us, the subject of death seems paramount, of course because of today, but it brought me here to see how you have, or if you have, faced the subject of death?
Or, is it a subject you avoid? Can our PWPs handle it?

By SparkysGal On 2016.01.08 07:58
I think it's an important subject to discuss, for anyone. My PWP and I have talked about it, what our wishes are in regards to the funeral and burial details, etc. We also got our Power of Attorney's in place both for Medical and Legal. My PWP is still relatively active and is mentally alert.

What I'm finding is that every death or serous illness in others makes him more and more sad and upset. I don't know if this is related to Parkinson's or is just a part of his personality as he gets older himself.

By moonswife On 2016.01.08 21:51
Jane.....I understand your question from personal experience since Thanksgiving. Mike has lost 3 friends exactly his age. Two he started kindergarten with, continued through Junior High, and graduated (From Long Beach Poly, famous for scholars, athletes and actors) with, in a graduating class number 3000. (There were two other Mike Millers in that class.) Both services were held at a Veterans National Cemetery about 90 minutes from our home, or too far for him to sit without cramping. We did attend both memorials and his DBS kicks in a Pseudo Bulbar affect. Kinda dicey behavior. The third friend I have not told him about. The widow asked to tell him herself when she comes back to California. I too, do not know if his personality has changed or the dreaded Mr Parkinson is messing with him in yet one more way.

By LOHENGR1N On 2016.01.09 00:26
Well Jane, I can only give my slant on or view of death can we PWP handle it? That's difficult to answer because we have different problems with P.D. our own package as it is. After being diagnosed and told I had 15 maybe 20 years to live if I was lucky I began to look at the world a bit different and to place people into 2 categories, the terminally ill and the terminally well. The difference being terminally i'll people know they are terminal. The well go on acting and living like they have forever. We don't, when another Parkinson's sufferer passes or a friend or family member passes it can (it does me) remind us of our vulnerability. Can we/I handle it? I have to because not handling it isn't an option. Don't get me wrong it can hit us like a ton of bricks and it takes us some time to come to grips with it. We may not want to talk about because we are trying to cope and make sense of it or digest it. It might take us some time but usually we'll get through it. Again speaking for myself I'm quiet during this I internalize it to figure it out.

It maybe perplexing to our caregivers because many people talk it out to get through it. If your parkey is like me they will not want to talk it out right away if they do then talk but we may seem to shut down in the midst because we've hit a spot we haven't come to grips with yet. It to me is not unlike waking every morning and waiting for my pills to kick in we notice every little twitch and tremor or other quirk of the disease and hang on hoping the med's will kick in and take care of the problem we fret that it is progression and now we're going to be like that or have to contend with another problem every day. And We're quiet or at least I am while this is happening, my mind is going a mile a minute processing my problems and checking to see if they are abating with my med's or not. Gosh if we told you what we go through each morning we'd have you scared. Then during the day as the med's wear off and the problems start we can kind of know the med's are working taking care of those morning worries. Only to awake next morning to those problems and worry that today the med's won't work or work as well all over afgain. But I'm getting off subject but hey you just got a peek into our world for a bit. Can we handle it (death) barring depression or dementia yeah probably but it may take us longer and we may not want to share our feelings until we've processed it internally it takes time and to me each loss just underlines our terminal state but I come to grips and carry on because that's just what you do. I hope this makes some sense and helps a little.

By jcoff012 On 2016.01.09 18:01
Thank you for responding. Our dear neighbor did pass...in fact, two hours after our final visit. Such a dear soul. Al, you were right...I let Carl alone...he's been quiet and pensive...A great number of his friends from out of state are here, but his husband stopped over this morning...I think he needed to get away from all the wonderfully well meaning friends! Same thing happened to me right after our daughter died...I went for a walk by myself...

I will watch for signs of depression, etc...so much sadness in our lives this past year...but, we are still here! Much love to all of you and for your patience along this journey. May you find peace along the way.


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