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Topic "Let bygones be bygones" Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By lurkingforacure On 2016.08.06 18:29
This is what my husband said to our daughter, in response to her telling him that earlier today he had told her she was rude (she wasn't).

She told him she doesn't understand one minute him telling her she's rude, and the next acting like nothing has happened and to just "let bygones be bygones". She went into her room where she will probably stay for hours, and when she comes out, she won't talk to him (again-this has happened before and it is very confusing for our kids).

My question is: does PD cause things like this? This is either an attempt to gloss over perhaps not remembering his behaviour earlier in the day, or not being willing to be held accountable for his behaviour. I'm not sure which.

By jcoff012 On 2016.08.07 12:28
Not knowing your husband, but knowing my own, I would tend to think it is the Parkinson's. There are times when my husband lashes out one minute, then, an hour later acts like nothing was said..."WHAT is wrong with you, Jane?' Sound familiar?

I have learned to ignore these outbursts and find something to do in another part of the house. I will bring it up later, possibly not til the next day, so we can calmly talk about it. Otherwise,I see all the back and forth periods of hurt feelings as a waste of time...and time is what we DON'T have.

I truly think that the devastation to a PWP's mind and personality are the worst parts of PD. I can handle the physical parts, I just cannot bear watching the mental decline. I see sadness where there was none. So sad.

By LOHENGR1N On 2016.08.07 20:47
Whether it is the Parkinson's causing it or the medication. It is something he cannot help it seems at times. I may be wrong here but I believe it is kind of unfair to say it is a attempt to gloss over perhaps not remembering his behavior earlier in the day. Which you yourself question is it the P.D. causing it? I add in the medicine also. Would that be behaving like a PWP? How do We patients do that gloss it over? Or not being willing to beheld accountable for his behavior. How can we not act like a person with Parkinson's Disease? I'm confused if We could act "normal" We would. However We have P.D. and cannot act any other way. I don't know what happened to elicit the remark but lets let bygones be bygones to me sounds like a lets not hold grudges I'm not sure what upset you but I don't have the energy to revisit what was said and try to explain every word in the conversation and the meaning of each in the context it was said is what he probably feels. I hope I'm not offending anyone but it isn't fair to try to hold him in contempt for actions caused by disease/medications and hold him to functions and interactions of people who do not have a disease like Parkinson's. This is a view from the sidelines, sometimes we may need to step back and look at the dynamic's happening. No offence meant please don't take any.

By jcoff012 On 2016.08.07 23:43
Al, I think she is asking if Parkinson's can cause her husband to make a comment her daughter doesn't understand. As the caregivers here can attest, we are often at a loss to understand a lot of comments and attitudes we experience. We try, but as you stated, *we* don't have the disease, you do. But, we try...and we ask questions.

To me, it sounded like someone needing, and trying, to understand. Carl is an amazing man, and as you know, has yet to experience a lot of the trials many here have. But, he IS changing, and, as I said earlier, to me, no matter what the reason, I really am sad the mental issues over which no one has control, take over.

Al, you are correct, judging that which *we* are not experiencing is difficult, if not impossible. But, again, we try. No one knows what it is like for a PWP; all we can do is ask questions...

Most questions in the forum are pleas for understanding so that we can in turn cope and help our PWP. At least, I like to hope so!

By lurkingforacure On 2016.08.08 16:01
Yes, and I'm sorry Al if my post came off the wrong way. I am trying to see if this type of behaviour is seen in PD and it sounds like it is.

I'm really sorry if my post caused any offense to anyone.

By LOHENGR1N On 2016.08.08 17:09
no offence taken here :) no worries

By mylove On 2016.08.08 20:40
Lurking, you shouldn't have to apologize for a legitimate question. You've had a particularly tough road all along, not all of which can be written off to meds or disease, so I can understand your concern and frustration. Sometimes there's a logical answer for how folks act, and other times having a disease just enhances or lets out personality traits that were there to begin with. It's hard to determine which is which, and ultimately you are the best judge of your own relationship.

My husband has begun to forget conversations a little bit, and it's a little bit of an eye opener, and as Jane said, sad too. Other times, though he's a wonderful, kind man, he snaps at small things, and I have to remind him that he's doing it. It's ok to be sick and irritable. It's not okay to be hurtful to the people who love you. Unfortunately it's our job as caregivers to be that buffer, and to keep the boundaries. I would expect no less from him if the roles were reversed.

By lurkingforacure On 2016.08.08 23:43
Thank you, all. We are seeing some different behaviour and I can't blame it on the meds because we've made no changes. It is sad and tragic and so very unfair.

My husband has recently begun telling me this or that kid said or did something wrong/bad, but the child denies it, so my husband tells me I have to decide who is telling the truth. Of course he wants it to be him and he also wants me to punish the child.

This afternoon as soon as I walked in the door he informed me that our youngest had called him a name and that he had recorded it so that I could see for myself. There was no recording on his cell phone or anywhere else. I was in the impossible position of being asked by my husband, a grown man, to decide whether he or our child was lying (or misrembering or making it up, I don't even know). I wimped out and refused to referee their dispute, told them that I couldn't possibly decide who said what, and to move past it and get ready for dinner. Now that child is not speaking to his father. Great.

It is almost like my husband is competing with our kids for my time and attention: he seems to resent them for the time and energy they need and they treat him accordingly. PD really does spread its reach to the entire family:(


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