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Topic How to handle being constantly corrected... Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jcoff012 On 2016.12.11 14:56
Carl had to have surgery on his left eye because of a detached retina. Since then, he is constantly "advising/correcting" or whatever HE calls it...from how to water the plants, to how to drive the car, to back up, to park, and today--how to put sprinkles on the Christmas sugar cookies. How do you handle this? Right now he has "stubbed up" and is sitting in the dark because I told him to "STOP! I know how to make cookies, for Heaven's sake! Been making these lemon cookies for over 50 years!"

Am I taking this too hard because he is so limited in what he can do and feels useless? Right now, I do it all and he cannot bend at the waist, sleeps sitting up, etc., while I am able to get around? This is new to him, and he isn't handling this lack of activity well. He sees it as giving in and a lack of strength. I want him to fight PD as long as he can, but within reason. To me, I applaud his doing what the surgeon advised.

Just hard to be the brunt of his short fuse.

By VioletV On 2016.12.11 16:04
That is tough.

I know my husband struggles with how very little he can do. Can't even make a cup of tea, or pour his own juice from a bottle.

Try this -- think about things that you know how to do and ask his advice anyway. Of course you know how to do it -- but I think if you find things to ask his advice about -- "You know I usually use lemon sugar or top. What do you think. Should I do it the usual way, or try cinnamon (or whatever would work...I'm no baker!)?"

If he is like my PWP husband, he needs voice. I imagine that his comments are not "You don't know how to...." but "Remember, I DO know how to ..."

Just a thought.

By LOHENGR1N On 2016.12.11 16:32
Don't know really how to handle the criticism easily. For His detached retina did they use anesthesia? Could this be reaction to it? As this disease is always on the march, always progressing, our reactions to things can change from what they were a year ago or even 6 months ago. Or could this be a compulsion emerging due to his Requip? This disease always seems to present more questions instead answers. Sorry I can't be of more help.

By jcoff012 On 2016.12.11 18:53
Thank you both for your insights...As always, given time, things today are better...seems if I leave him alone, he eventually calms down. But, Al, you are that moment of time, it IS hard to ignore...

As for the surgery, it took quite awhile...I was getting a tad nervous was general anesthesia and he seemed to handle it well. Not sure about the connection to the Requip, because, like I have said before, he has ALWAYS been a perfectionist, etc....

Sorry to vent, you know I make a lot of allowances...but, maybe I am just tired this week...too many doctor visits between us, you know?!

Violet, I need to make my annual panettone bread pudding (I understand it is excellent...*I* don't like bread pudding!), so I think I will borrow your idea and ask him if he wants it with or without the amaretto

Again, thank you, my friends! Hugs!

By 839Ellen On 2016.12.12 08:52
My husband fell, broke his hip and had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks ago. He had a terrible time from anesthesia and/or lots of pain medication. He was hallucinating and combative during the nights and couldn't be left alone. After about a week, he started coming out of it and no longer saw terrorists capturing family members and aliens crawling up the wall in his room, etc. So gosh that anesthesia really can do a number on a PWP. Possibly could be affecting your husband....

By Trusting On 2016.12.21 20:26
Ellen, when my husband had stents put in he was so bad he punched a male nurse. He thought the nurse was trying to kidnap him. He had to have it done twice and reacted the same way both times. As soon as I brought him home he calmed right down.
The other thing I try to do when I take him out for a drive or something I will tell him this is his time and ask what he wants to do or where he wants to go? It pretty much the only time he gets to make a decision. This is hard; hang in there. Blessings!

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