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Topic "I don't like YOU" Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By lurkingforacure On 2017.10.20 11:36
I'm having a hard day, this is my second post today. This morning as I helping my husband shower (see my other post about how to get urine out of a mattress), I was using a new shower glove I got him and asked him how he liked it. I thought he would love it, and was actually looking forward to using it, if you can believe. He bluntly said "I don't like YOU". I was so shocked I couldn't believe he said that, so I said "what?" and he repeated it. I was so very hurt. I am still so hurt. I know he is ill, but. but. but.

If I try to talk to him about it, he won't remember what he said, and if he does, he will either deny he said it or tell me I misinterpreted him like he usually does. So I don't think it's worth it to try to talk to him about it. I can't think of a valid reason to say this to anyone anyway, so what's the point.

How do you get past the hurt? I can deal with pee, poop, lack of sleep, putting his needs above everyone else in the family, all the time, even being accused of having an affair with fill-in-the-blank of the day, but I don't know about this. I'm afraid that everytime I look at him I will remember what he said and hurt all over again. What do you do?

By ljharper62 On 2017.10.20 11:51
I am so sorry you are going through this. Here is a big hug from Phoenix.

I don't really have a suggestion but honestly, if my husband said that to me I would be gone, or I would make him leave (i.e. independent living or assisted living). With as much as you have put up with, you do not deserve to be treated this way. You can argue all you want about this being the disease but do you really want to live out your life dealing with that sentiment? You have young children that you need to think about.

Just my 2 cents worth

By flowers12 On 2017.10.20 14:41
Lurking, you just said it, he won't remember he said it. This disease is heartbreaking for sure. Lots of hurtful things come out of their mouths.
Maybe he was trying to tell you he didn't like the shower glove but the words don't come out the way they mean them. It's very hard to just "not let it get to you" but you know he isn't able to communicate normally. My hubby often tells me, after I ask him a question over and over. that he can't get the words out. I said to myself the other day this silly thing I remembered from long ago, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" I got a laugh from it at least.

Big hugs to you.

By lurkingforacure On 2017.10.20 15:21
Thank you all for your responses. I think I am so upset because even sick, I can't imagine my husband saying something like that to me unless he was absolutely out of his ever loving mind.

To hear him say that makes me realize he has progressed more than I thought he had, more than I ever expected he would, and more than I was willing to see and acknowledge. Ignorance is bliss: facing PD reality is pain
and sadness and loss and oceans of tears. We were told there would be a cure within 5 years....11 years ago. I can't believe we are at this point and no cure is in sight.

I am hoping today is an anomoly and tomorrow will be better for him.

I have to add, this whole #@! thing is a learning opportunity for our kids on so many levels. Every day is a gift, time is finite and should never be wasted, show your love as much as possible while you can, and make the most of what you can do every day, while you can. My kids have sadly watched their dad progress without making the most of what he has, in terms of time, function, showing love, just everything. It is tragic in every way, especially when we see other PWP handling their condition very differently. I'm not blaming my husband: he can only handle things as he is able. But our kids see. I hope they can try to take something positive from our PD journey and not let it ruin their lives.

By Checkmate On 2017.10.21 00:15
Hi lurkingforacure, my heart aches for you because I know exactly how you feel. My husband told me last Feb/March that he did not want to be married to me anymore and he was looking forward to going into long term care because he would have people who loved him and took care of him there!. This all came about following two months of supporting him through side effects of medication that caused hyper sexuality and a spending spree that could have left us bankrupt if I had not stopped it it in its tracks. He has parkinson's 16 yrs and I have been there for him every step of this journey. He has weaned off this medication and just recently has begun to see the light. He is on the waiting list for long term care but now he is not running away from his family but tells me he loves me
My point is although there may not be any change in your husband's medications it could well be a new
side effect. Whatever the reason I know it still hurts and I stop myself from getting too close to him again because I do not want to be hurt like that again.
I do believe our children will learn resilience and unconditional love but everything comes at a price.

By Brendamic1 On 2017.11.02 09:49
Hi lurkingforacure. I know how this is all too well. My husband speaks very nastily to me then denies he did later. I find it hard to keep our relationship a "husband and wife". I feel like I'm 100% caretaker. I've heard that Parkinson's can increase the sexual needs and I don't feel that I can become his wife again. I take care of him in every way even though I have my own health issues. It's hard, very hard.


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