Helping Those Who Care for Parkinson's Patients
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I really want to thank you all for the excellent advice you gave me in my thread, “Dad’s dementia test.” I printed out all of your answers and followed them, to the last detail, about what to provide to my attorney. It all helped immensely. That’s the good news. The bad news is that what it expedited was the attorney’s decision, based on all the evidence I showed him, that my dad has regressed so much into dementia that any Power of Attorney he gives me would be invalid, because Dad is not mentally capable of entering into ANY binding contract with anyone! Joy, joy! (can you read sarcasm?) The only answer is interdiction. Now this is really going to be a major pain. But I also figure that it may not be necessary (at least not right now), because I already control so much of the spending anyway. (Dad does trust me with his finances; it’s just that he is averse to being FORCED to give up control of his finances, as opposed to granting it of his own will. This is entirely understandable, if you put yourself in his place.) I am going to take lurkingforacure’s advice and contact his creditors for possible arrangements to be made without legal action. In any case, all of you were very helpful. I would have been totally up the creek without you! |
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Wow, that is tough, but a lesson to the rest of us to get a POA while our loved one can still give it. In Texas, if the person lacks capacity to execute a POA (or anything else, actually) we have the lovely option of going to court and getting appointed their guardian. The guardian has to be approved by the court, may have to post bond, and will have to account for everything on a monthly, quarterly, or annual basis, whatever the court decides. We have a document in our state called "Declaration of Guardian" and in it one names, in order of preference, the folks he/she would want to be guardian if one were ever needed. Did your dad ever sign one of those? You might want to dig through papers to see, if would save you the hassle of proving to the judge you are the best person for the job if/when you get to the point of needing to intervene at this level. If not, then you might want to get your ducks in a row in the sense of keeping records of everything you are doing on his behalf now so that the judge can see you are responsible enough to do the job and are not going to appropriate his savings/resources for yourself or others (their main concern) if you were to be appointed his guardian by a court at some point. Good luck. |
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Hi Lurking, Actually, Dad would not have given POA in any case, at any time in his life, because even before his PD showed up, he always chafed at the idea that someone else would have control over him. Same for the "Declaration of Guardian," or whatever it's called in Louisiana; he would never give it, for the same reason. He's Superman, remember? And nothing really bad could ever happen, right? (Again, is the sarcasm showing?) But you know, really, this has been a great lift off my shoulders, personally. I have no qualms at all about proving myself to be responsible and accountable. If anything, I've been TOO responsible and accountable in the past, to the extent that I thought I was entirely responsible for every single little thing that happens. I have felt as though I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. "Getting my ducks in a row"? Honey, that has been the crux my entire existence since I started taking care of Dad! No stone has been left unturned, no record unkept. I will have absolutely no problem convincing anyone that I can take care of him and will be accountable. All I have to do is show them my file box and let them have a go at the hard drive on my computer! They'll learn more than they ever wanted to know! Now, in a curious way, I feel as though a great deal of that burden has been lifted. I left the attorney's office in a great mood, and I've been in a great mood ever since! I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me. Recently I was speaking to a lady who had taken care of both of her parents before they died. We discussed the good side of shouldering all of this; namely, knowing that in the end, we did the best we possibly could, and will never have any regrets about not having done enough or not done the right thing. |
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| I think that is why we are all here, we want the best for our loved ones, and we are usually the best one to give it. Well said. |
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Tara, I'm sorry you're not going to be able to get the POA but I'm glad you now know where you stand. Getting answers & being able to plan accordingly can give one some peace of mind. I hope you dad's creditors are willing to work with you. Please keep up posted. |
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| Tara: I know what you are going through. My father was the same. He would never let his girls know about finances etc. We are "girls" afterall, and not capable of thinking deep thoughts! I had no idea about his finances at all. When his dementia got so bad that we knew we had to step in, my sister and I cooked up a plan with a psychiatrist to get him in the office. We told him that he had to have a physical in order to go to assisted living (that we were helping him with). He went to the appointment and they had to involuntarily put him in the psych. unit. He was very psychotic and a harm to himself and others. It was the hardest thing to do, but the best for him. After medications for six weeks he was so much better and we got him in a really nice nursing home. We found a POA in his file drawer that named me (thank heaven!) and I went to work. Believe me it was a mess. He had doled out lots of money to political campaigns, bought children's books etc. etc. It took months to balance his checkbook and handle all his finances. Later, we went to court and I became his legal guardian. It was a real roller coaster. He past away 3 years ago, April 1st (he would have loved the irony of that one!). I loved him to the very end (and still do!) It was such a rocky time, but I comfort myself in believing that he now knows what a good job we did taking care of him - even being "just girls"! |