Helping Those Who Care for Parkinson's Patients
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Took my dad to the ophthalmologist today for a routine eye exam and got some bad news. He has developed glaucoma, very suddenly with no previous problems, and the sight in one eye is already damaged. He will have laser surgery next week to create additional drainage in the other eye to lessen the pressure there. Of course, I am feeling guilty for not getting him in for an eye exam last year due to his broken hip. I was getting the other medical appointments done first (there was quite a backlog since he was not able to get out of the house for 6 months) and I didn't think the eye exam seemed very urgent. The ophthalmologist was kicking himself too, because apparently it's very unusual to see this degree of change in pressure over only 2 years. Sigh. Well, my dad barely noticed the change in his vision, so I guess that's a good thing. I'm also feeling guilty that I'm annoyed at having additional medical appointments now for his eyes. I work full time, but not so full these days since I have to take a vacation day nearly every week for his doctor appointments. I worry about my job. Topping it all off, and unrelated to PD, I heard today from my sister that she seems to have some mysterious kind of auto-immune disease. I am fed up with medical stuff! |
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Hey, easy does it! If your dad has barely noticed the change in vision, that IS a good thing, and reason enough for you to not feel guilty. If it also came on very suddenly with no previous problems, and it's also very unusual to see this degree of change in pressure over only 2 years, and even the ophthalmologist didn't see it coming (pun intended), for Pete's sake, go easy on yourself! Don't beat yourself up just because you're not Wonder Woman. Hey, nobody is! Another thing: My dad also has glaucoma, and even his ophthalmologist conceded that Parkinson's is FAR worse than any eye problems. He even made it sound like it would be no big deal if Dad even lost an eye altogether. After all, you can be blind in one eye and still have a normal life. With PD, "normal" is just a word in the dictionary. It's not that he was being cavalier; it's just that you have to set priorities and keep a proper perspective. One last thing: If your dad has open-angle glaucoma, that is hereditary and you need to get checked for it yourself. |
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I agree with Tara that you need to ease up on yourself. It sounds like you've had your hands way more than full for quite some time & you're doing the best you can. I imagine we all experience a certain amount of guilt at times. We're only human & we're trying to do WAY more than the average person at any given time. I certainly understand your frustration over one more appointment & worry about trying to fit it in around work. Please try not to feel guilty about feeling frustrated. I think you're entitled to that feeling. You're giving so much of your time, attention, etc. to work & taking care of your dad as well as other things, I'm sure. You can't always stuff your own wants, needs & feelings in favor of obligations or other people's needs. I have plenty of vacation time accrued at work but I try not to take days off for anything other than taking my mom to appointments. I'm away from work so much with her that I feel I can't take time for myself. I try to schedule her appointments on days my office will be closed for holidays or not to miss an entire day's work. I let the sitter take off any day I have a holiday to try to save money. It makes me crazy most of the time & I don't even feel guilty about it. I didn't ask for all these additional responsibilities & doubt you did either. Please try to remember that you need to be taken care of too! |
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Thanks for the kind words. It's really helpful to have support when I get in these moods to beat up on myself. I guess I feel as if I ought to be able to do something to fix my dad's health. Which, of course, is not possible for any of us. It's tough to be at the mercy of this disease, not to mention other medical conditions on top of everything else. |
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| Oh, thanks, Tara, for reminding me about being at risk for glaucoma myself. As it happens, I have an upcoming eye appointment anyway, so I will be sure to fill in the doctor about the new diagnosis and make sure I get regular checks. |
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| susger8, hang in there honey! Guilt and caregiving seem to go hand-in-hand but we can only do the best we can in each moment. It is exhausting to be a caregiver and work fulltime. I also worry about my job in having to take off work so much for Dad's appointments. I ask my brothers and sisters for help but nothing. So, I take it a day at a time. If you think of the big picture, it is overwhelming. My thoughts are with you. Take care, Mary |
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Thanks, Mary. I just talked with the ophthalmologist's office and they have scheduled his surgery for tomorrow, and then they want to see him again on Wednesday to check the pressure in his eye. And I'm already taking Friday off as well for two more doctor appointments. I had a mini-meltdown on the phone with the staffer who was doing the scheduling. I can't take three days off in the same week and still get my work done. Fortunately, I must have sounded so pathetic on the phone that she cleared some time for me to bring him in after work on Wednesday instead of in the morning. I'll have to leave early but it's better than taking the whole day. |
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| susger8, the medical appointments are so very difficult to schedule if you work weekdays 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. as I do. I try to schedule the appointments first thing in the morning or around lunch or the end of the day to minimize my time off work. It would be so nice to have someone share in that responsibility. Let me know how your appointment goes. My Dad needs to see the eye doctor and I am putting off scheduling the appointment (shame on me) because I think he'll need some surgery or something in that his eye sight is not as good as it should be for sure. He uses a magnifying glass to read. I'm with you on this one but have no answers for you. All the best, Mary |